1.) Wondering why I have to do this. Is this a bad dream? I miss being married.
2.) Thoughts of how M used to contaminate my mind about A is giving me a headache. Why is he friends with her? a.) I guess I want to be angry. b.) Wish I could tell A about how much our first fight together is still getting to me. c.) My other friend, E, told me that M used to talk to everyone about me.
3.) Doubting things again. E told me that being invited to A's place was out of obligation...that upset me...I must be stupid.
4.) I want to communicate to A, but I feel I have to 'go dark' because my initiating connection might push him away. Why is this always sooooo tough?
5.) I expect a wonderful miracle. I miss him.
6.) I want my goal to be letting him know that having a R with me doesn't mean 'all or nothing at all'. Why does having an R with me threaten him so?
7.) I'm tired and weary. This never really gets easy.
