Maybe I should be in piecing part 5?

[Hope4us]

Thanks WDID.

Maybe you're right. Maybe in the end I won't be able to get over it. My first W cheated on me with an old boyfriend and that's what ended our marriage. My W's long term boyfriend cheated on her right before we got together. W and I were truly "just friends" before my first marriage ended and her BF cheated on her. So we both know what cheating does to a person, and she did it anyway. That's what I'm not sure I'll ever understand. We had many, many conversations early in our relationship about how cheating was wrong and if one of us wasn't happy and the other couldn't/wouldn't address the concerns of the other, that we would just divorce instead of cheating on the other. And she did it anyway.

I'm not sure what I feel right now. I know it would be a heck of a lot easier to forgive if she'd give me even a LITTLE of what I need. I know it would be a heck of a lot easier to forgive if she hadn't pulled the chit she pulled after I discovered the A. I know it would be a heck of a lot easier to forgive if she hadn't LIED to S16 over and over, all the while trying to plant seeds in his mind that I was the one with the problems.

Maybe if we'd be at the point we are now a year ago I'd be in a lot better place, but you can only take so much, ya know?

Last night W got home from work and was chatty. Talking and talking. And honestly, I just wasn't in the mood, but I listened and validated all I could, but I didn't talk a whole lot. By 9:00 I NEEDED to be away from her so I told her I was going to bed to watch some basketball and you should have seen the look on her face and the disappointed "oh" I got.

So of course, this morning W is a totally different person. Talking, upbeat, excited for our night away. I had to run to the bank and we were standing in the kitchen about 4 feet apart and I asked her if she wanted a Latte when I came back and she immediately said "yes! Double carmel latte!", and actually made a move towards me like she wanted to hug me, but she caught herself and didn't.

I just don't know what to think anymore. I do know, I don't WANT to think about anything anymore.