Yes, your wife knows you...better than anyone else. That is why these changes need to be for you ..FROM you. Read and learn from us vets. But if the changes aren't real, and you don't feel them too, it will become a ploy to win her back. She WILL see right through that.
No one here can tell you what to change. Only you can do that. What are her complaints? What was it that didn't fit her life with you? Those are the questions that YOU need to answer. Be true to yourself, and address the things that she complained about. And I'm also sure that there are things that you didn't like as well. Use this time in your life to find yourself too. Face your fears....do something that you have always wanted to do.
What greater gift could you possibly give another than the oppurtunity to just completely find and be themselves?
Be the change that you want to see in her....but be real in doing so. This is hard, but in time, and I think I speak for all of us here, I will not do this again....but I would NOT trade what I have learned for anything.....
I picked up a quote a friend of mine used a while back.( thanks Jim ) Shut Up...God is trying to bless you.....
Hi Lola, Thanks for responding. I need your womans point of view about this. As my last post states, I've really been overthinking this. I realize now, you have to swerve around the bumps in the road as they come. I'm trying to travel the middle path and be prepared for whatever. Unfortunately she won't say anything to me other than normal conversation. She won't tell me about anything I'm doing that bothers her. This has been scary for me. She has seen I have been reading the Divorce Remedy. She also has seen I don't pursue any arguments. Most of my past slip ups have been my feelings getting in the way. I'm ending that ! I appreciate your insight...R
Hi M1, My W hasn't said anything. Only that she doesn't feel the same way about me. She is numb. I don't know where to begin specifically. She has said I'm being too perfect and that drove her nuts. So I've backed off. I just try to read the sitch for what it is currently. And give alot of space..R
Ron, she may not come out right away and tell you, but she will. It may be in subtle hints, or outright. the key is listening. It is a tough road, and a long journey. You are in fora roller coaster ride that you have never experienced before. Prepare to throw up...but you will start to feel better.
My C gave me a great technique on detaching. Picture yourself from the inside out, looking at an entirely different couple in the same sitch. Think of what you would do in that guy's position. Is he being too clingy? Too needy? Too "romantic"? Then, do the opposite. Detaching is a wonderful thing. I still love my H as much as I ever did, but I also know this is his fight, not mine.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
So you haven't heard anything that all of us haven't heard. I know this is gut-wrenching man.
This should also tell you how important it is that you live for YOU, and do things for you. Also that this is her show, and the unhappiness is within her.
Yea, she's pissed about you being perfect, because she doesn't feel that way about herself right now. You can learn how to love her from a distance. You HAVE to right now.
Numb? Wall? No feelings? Hmmmm Yep, check,check,check. It really is about how YOU handle this that will play a role in the outcome of it. There are no guaruntees that this will work out. But I can guaruntee that it won't if you stay the current course.
It's okay to be pissed yourself. As long as you recognize it for what it is, and use it to your advantage. Anger is best used as a shield instead of a sword.
These things come in time, and time is your friend right now. The DR and DB books? Not really good to let your adversary in on YOUR game plan is it? Truth is? She is NOT interested in that now. But don't force her to deal with anything that she doesn't want to. She will see that as pressure, and guilt will follow.
Thanks for the support M1, One question though... Do I hide the book ? I'm sure she has seen it already... I always thought I was a pretty average husband. I helped around the house, I cook as she doesn't like to. (Her Mom is a wonderful cook) I Helped with wash, as far as sex, well, I could do what was needed to be successful most of the time. I brought home my check on pay day. I wasn't at the top of the order but, I wasn't at the bottom either. She has complained I have a quick temper and get frustrated easily, That, I am watching like a hawk. I loved her and my family. Oh, there were times when I felt an edge to her, but everyone has there days. I even asked how she was, and how are we doing occasionally..? Then all of a sudden, WHAM, she doesn't know how she feels about me, she has changed. She needs space.
Bare with me, This is me reviewing my sitch...
We sleep in the same bed and I'm trying to give as much space as I can. It is awkward as hell for me, as in trying to remain conversive but not pressure or be too short. Remain happy, upbeat, and definitely not pursue. I'm really struggling with my base here. ...R
HER words, not yours or mine....have you given, and I mean truly given her that yet?
Dude.....the LBS sleep aid...The bed is for sleeping right now. Not talking or anything else initiated BY you. Double shot of Nyquil and fall asleep. It sux, but get used to it.
[She has complained I have a quick temper and get frustrated easily, That, I am watching like a hawk. ]
Okay, that's One. Don't watch it like a Hawk....learn to be a duck. Water off a duck's back...
That is a change for her....but it needs to be for you. Did YOU like being that way? A betting man would say NO . So what to do about it ?
Abolutely not, it is me though, and I will change it... She hasn't asked for anything else of me. She staying busy around home. I think she's fighting it out inside. All she has to say is that's it and its over for me. That hasn't happened yet... I'm just being a fly on the wall...
