I mean, she gets to live in a nice house mostly provided by me, she gets to be involved daily in S16's life, I take her on trips, to shows, buy her LOTS of stuff. Life ain't too bad for her. Why SHOULD she meet me half way when she's livin large and doesn't have to face anything she's done that contributed to where we are/were?
She shouldn't.
So she isn't.
And she won't.
You're still rescuing/placating/pleasing, IMHO, which is perfectly fine IF YOU'RE HAPPY.
LOL Pup. Almost sound more like Dr Suess than Forrest.
My good friend D told me a couple weeks ago that she thinks W needs a push. And that's coming from a woman who had an A of her own 10 or so years ago.
Need to think on this guys. Maybe I don't want to do the stuff you're suggesting because it HELPS me detach and progress towards walking away. Maybe in the back of my mind that's what I really WANT, but just haven't convinced myself yet. So if I just let her continue to NOT try and there by increase my anger and distance, I'll get where I want to be, which is not with her.
Boy, there's some pysco babble huh? I don't think that's the case, but I wonder sometimes.
I hear ya WDID. I KNOW you can't go by your own timelines. I know it's all going to go according to her timeline. I just don't know if I have it in me to give it the time she needs anymore.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Need to think on this guys. Maybe I don't want to do the stuff you're suggesting because it HELPS me detach and progress towards walking away. Maybe in the back of my mind that's what I really WANT, but just haven't convinced myself yet. So if I just let her continue to NOT try and there by increase my anger and distance, I'll get where I want to be, which is not with her.
Boy, there's some pysco babble huh? I don't think that's the case, but I wonder sometimes.
I thought what you are thinking (the psycho babble part). Sometimes I think that you want to be able to say you did everything, but there is a part of you that, in the end, feels you don't want to and can't. Some people can never get over an affair. And, using Puppy's word, it's understandable. But, it is possible to, if you have faith.
Maybe you're right. Maybe in the end I won't be able to get over it. My first W cheated on me with an old boyfriend and that's what ended our marriage. My W's long term boyfriend cheated on her right before we got together. W and I were truly "just friends" before my first marriage ended and her BF cheated on her. So we both know what cheating does to a person, and she did it anyway. That's what I'm not sure I'll ever understand. We had many, many conversations early in our relationship about how cheating was wrong and if one of us wasn't happy and the other couldn't/wouldn't address the concerns of the other, that we would just divorce instead of cheating on the other. And she did it anyway.
I'm not sure what I feel right now. I know it would be a heck of a lot easier to forgive if she'd give me even a LITTLE of what I need. I know it would be a heck of a lot easier to forgive if she hadn't pulled the chit she pulled after I discovered the A. I know it would be a heck of a lot easier to forgive if she hadn't LIED to S16 over and over, all the while trying to plant seeds in his mind that I was the one with the problems.
Maybe if we'd be at the point we are now a year ago I'd be in a lot better place, but you can only take so much, ya know?
Last night W got home from work and was chatty. Talking and talking. And honestly, I just wasn't in the mood, but I listened and validated all I could, but I didn't talk a whole lot. By 9:00 I NEEDED to be away from her so I told her I was going to bed to watch some basketball and you should have seen the look on her face and the disappointed "oh" I got.
So of course, this morning W is a totally different person. Talking, upbeat, excited for our night away. I had to run to the bank and we were standing in the kitchen about 4 feet apart and I asked her if she wanted a Latte when I came back and she immediately said "yes! Double carmel latte!", and actually made a move towards me like she wanted to hug me, but she caught herself and didn't.
I just don't know what to think anymore. I do know, I don't WANT to think about anything anymore.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
