Hope- The call made me feel caught off guard, brought up feelings of missing him/the past (the fantasy part), but quickly turned to realization as he responded to my "staying with my H" talk. He became angry and started listing all of the bad things I did to him. Then, I started feeling guilty for "ruining his life".
I didn't tell my H. I still might. But, things are going so well with H, I don't want him thinking about this. If I told him he would be supportive, etc., but it would put this back to the forefront and my H lets his mind control him sometimes. I'd like to have a good sex life, and I know this kind of thing will put yet another block in it. He wouldn't be mad, his mind would just focus on thoughts of it. I'm not going to do that to him, or us. I did talk to a pastor about it, and he agreed. It would make me feel good to talk to him about it, but it wouldn't be good for my H. I will talk to you guys about it instead. If he finds out, he won't be mad that I didn't tell him. I know he would understand if I explain why I didn't. I know my H.
Sara- You know the whole story about former OM and his erratic behavior and issues so I know that is why you are saying what you are. I will not answer calls and let answering machine take it or let H take it. Anyone that really needs to get ahold of me has my cell number and I can answer that. Since I didn't get another call the next day, I'm pretty sure that he is done calling. If he calls again, I will need to tell H, and we will need to proceed with more action.
Karen- Intellectually I know you are right. Former OM is the one that made his choices as well. I can't help but think how I influenced him and convinced him in those decisions. Yes, he is being selfish. But, I know I contributed to him hurting. I can't do anything about it, though. So, I just feel bad. Not sad anymore, just bad.
Today is a good day. No missing feelings for former OM, nothing like that. Thoughts of his call, etc. But, no longing for him or anything like that. H and I have been relaxing, reading the paper, drinking coffee, just hanging together at home. It's good.
