No, I don't know what I want. I'm actually enjoying living alone. I don't have to worry about making him happy. I don't have to go through 2 more years of hell while he is in school. I can do whatever I want, when I want.
I think I know what he needs and I give it to him. I encourage him, tell him he is going to be an awesome chiropractor, tell him his personality is going to do wonders for him. I sympathize with him when he is down about a test. But last night I drew the line because he kept obsessing about it. I told him he needs to move forward. Allow himself a certain amouont of time to be angry and get his frustration out, but then move on.
I know he hasn't lost hope or completely let go. I know that.
But I don't feel like I'm being true to myself. The person that I have been is a strong, independent woman. I have a lot of self respect and I feel like this situation is destroying that. I'm not sure if I'm willing to give that up to save my M. I'm not one of those people who will do anything to save my marriage. That's sad to say but it's the truth.
Whateverittakes - What is the DA club? And you didn't hijack my thread! I'll have to check out yours.
Right now, I feel I have 3 options. If anyone can enlighten me or revise them, I would appreciate advice.
1. Continue to interact with him, be friendly and try to establish a relationship. This is all the while he probably doing who knows what with OW. I will resolve to not care what he is doing with her - no checking voicemails. It's called detachment. I know it would be hard but for the most part I know I can do it if I really want. The problem with this is that I get optimistic about us and hope we have a future when he gives me little tidbits of hope (Like, "maybe someday we'll go to my family's for the holidays"). So I feel optimistic and get my hopes up when all the while he's having a relationship with and falling for OW.
2. Continue to interact with him but also continue my investigative work. This helps to keep me grounded and not get my hopes up. But it is also very hard on me. I agonize over what he is doing with her and I subject myself to hearing things that will really hurt me. Sometimes I lose sleep over it and it brings me down for a few days after I find out the information.
3. Tell him that I have to discontinue personal contact with him - only talk about "business" stuff. Tell him I have to do this for my own personal self respect. I feel very disrespected by the situation and I cannnot disregard my values and morals. As long as he is carrying on with OW, I need to distance myself. It's damaging to my self respect. (Of all people, he should understand this as this was always his focus - his pride and if I was disrespecting him how others would view him. It's not necessarily how others view me but actually how I view myself)
I don't know what to do and I am struggling.
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
