Am I eternally hopeful or in denial....?

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, y'all!

I just found out today that S17 took my ATM card out of my wallet and took money out of my account without permission! I had given him my PIN so he could go get gas in the car the other day. Well, I noticed this morning that the front door was un-locked, and I remember specifically locking it! So, I knew he went out somewhere. When I asked him, he said he went to get one of his CD out of the car.

When I saw the withdrawal on my account, I called S17 and asked him about it but he denied it. So, I called the bank and found out that it was my card that was used day before last. The bank also told me that there had been an attempt last night, but with the wrong PIN. So, I called S17 back and told him that the bank was checking the photo files from the machine, so if he was lieing to me, he'd better come clean now! So, he admitted it. He got $70 out of my account for a "game" and tried to get $50 more last night, but accidently took the wrong card (the cards for my account and H and my joint account looks the same. So he used the wrong PIN........

I have tried to call H, but he is in meetings today. I know he is likely going to blow a gasket! I am so surprised and heartbroken at this! I really thought that S17 and I had a good understanding and now I feel like he was just BSing me like H said! Now, H is going to say "I told you so!!...." and this will solidify his assertions that S17 is just becoming a juvenile delinquent and it has nothing to do with our M sitch! I just hope H doesn't use this to completely give up on S17, as he has said he would do before!

I don't know what to do.......but I know that 2 hour C session we have for next week is even more necessary now. It should be interesting!

I am so tired right now. S17 is supposed to help H move out of his apartment and back to the house. I hope H just keeps S for the whole weekend and works his tail off! I plan to read and relax and, hopefully, rejuvinate!

[glamgirl]

Sorry SC about your s17. Hopefully you have changed your pin and get a lock for your room and keep your stuff in there. Sad, but money can be a temptation.

Maybe s17 can get a job if he needs money. My s20 got a job at 16. It helps with knowing how hard it is to earn money.

Good luck with him.

[Silent Chrleader]

Thanks, GG.

Yes, I'm definitely changing the PIN.

I just talked with H, and he thinks S17 is doing drugs! And the more I think about it, I think he may be right. Last night when I got home, S17 was in bed asleep, and when I tried to get him up to do a couple chores, he was almost incoherent. Talking in ways that didn't make sense. He has always done that when he wakes up out of a deep sleep, even since he was a little boy. But, this seemed a bit more pronounced than usual. So, he really has been showing all the symptoms. Unusual sleep patterns, Irritability, skipping school, stealing money......

H told me to "wake up". I feel like a fool, and I am so scared for my son! H sounded so distant, and cold. I told him that I hoped we could work on this together, and H said "I guess we'll have to!" I so wanted him to tell me that it would be alright! And I wanted to tell him I loved him. But, he just seemed in a rush (he has meetings all day) and he didn't have the time or the inclination to talk.

So now I'm sitting at my desk at work trying not to cry.

Right when I think I'm getting a handle on things, something else falls apart!! Where does it f'ing end???!!!!

I want my H! I want him to hold me and tell me it's all going to be OK!

[dl443322]

Oh SC, I am so sorry you are going through this now. Unfortunately it is not that unusual for kids to be trying drugs. Doesnt make it any easier for you to know that, I know.

Well, thankfully you are in counseling. And you seemed to have found out at the beginning - also good. It is imperative that you and your h work together on this. Your son needs to feel safe and that his parents love him.

Other than that, I dont know what else you should do. I have not had that problem yet, although my son is very depressed.

I will keep you and your son in my prayers.

[sandycay]

Wow, sorry to hear about your S. He's just to that age where it's hard to lock them down and unfortunetely your H showed him how to party so to think that's just going away overnight ...it's not going to happen.

I am glad he's got therapy next week. Hang in there. Are you goig to be around the weekend?

[glamgirl]

Sorry SC that you are going through this with son. I can relate to your sitch. My s20 got in trouble when he was 16. It was not a good time in our lives. S20 got in trouble with the law and was on probation, had to go to court, c, random drug testing. If he had 1 test dirty the authorities would have removed him from the home.

Well God is amazing. It was during this time of c, that my s20 found God. He stayed cleaned followed through with all the court stuff and has been clean ever since.

He has turned out to be such a great kid now. He had an awakening at such a young age, but it was good for him in the end.

Sorry you are going through this. My ex h was a drug addict, so it was as if I was reliving my past when my son started down the same path.

I have no advice, just know that I feel for what you are going through. Hugs!

[Silent Chrleader]

Man, you guys are the best!!

Thank you BM, GG & sandycay, for your supportive words.

I came home tonight and had another long talk with my son. I also did one of those home drug tests. The bad news is he tested positive. The good news is, he only tested positive for marijuana. NOT that that's a good thing by any means, but I was having visions of him being on coke, or meth, or heroin......so, all things considered, it could have been a lot worse.

He does seem truly remorseful for the stealing (one can hope he means it). I have taken his driver's license away and he will have to take a city bus, or walk to school. He starts at the alternative school on Tuesday, and they don't have school buses for that. This concerns me, because his motivation level is so low, I'm afraid he will just choose not to go to school if it's "too much trouble".

I'm concerned about what H will do tomorrow. He said he wants to cancel S17 from our car insurance, which I understand because it is expensive and S17 needs to earn back the trust he has lost. But, there are also situations, like going to the C which is a 40 minute drive, where we have needed to have S drive himself. So, I'm leary of stopping the insurance. But H can be so stubborn. I so don't want to get in a argument with H over it.

I was really hoping that 2009 would be my year!!......but it's looking like it's going to have at least a few unpleasant challenges of it's own!!

I also hate that I got a little weepy while on the phone with H about S17. He was a little impatient with it, and I feel like I lost a little ground in the "see how strong I am" stakes with him. He said "You sound like you're going to cry." and I said "I'm just so worried about S17 and feeling so overwhelmed with everything." To which he said "Well, I feel overwhelmed too but I'm not going to cry about it." (The bas**rd!)

I would like to think that H comes off as insensitive because he is pushing feelings of guilt away because he knows his behavior has been a trigger for all this........I'd like to think that, but I'm afraid that's probably not the case. If anything, H will likely use this as one more reason to walk.

But, I'm not giving up on my S17 or myself! Or my D24! Or my H for that matter! Not yet......hopefully not ever! Disfunctional though we may be, this is my family and I love them with all my heart! I'll fight the very devil before I give up on them!

[dl443322]

You go girl. Dont mess with the mama tiger. SC, you seem to be a wonderful mother - and one who is on top of things. Keep checking up on son. Let him know you are aware, and that you are there for him.

My h is the same way as yours. Sometimes I think a sensitivity chip is missing.

[Silent Chrleader]

If I was such a wonderful mother, my kids would be doing better!

[[[[[BM]]]]]

[Virtually_Handsome]

If I was such a wonderful mother, my kids would be doing better!

You know better than that! Do I need to come up there and spank you?