I'm so sorry you are hurting. But I have to disagree that you didn't DB for the last 18 months! I have read your sitch, and from what I can tell, you showed your H unconditional love by giving him his space and being kind and, as far as I'm concerned, only backsliding a handful of times in all those months is almost heroic effort on your part!
What you haven't done enough of is GAL, and now is your chance to really do that in a big way! Go out and get a manicure and/or pedicure, or better yet, a massage! Go shopping and buy some outfit that you would never have imagined buying for yourself! Color your hair a completely different color. Anything just to try something different. Even if whatever it is isn't a smashing success, it is still important because you will have shown yourself you can do it!
I actually went to a dance club one Saturday night all by myself! I dressed in a short skirt and tight tank top and I went! I didn't get asked to dance, but I ended up sitting at the bar and talking to the cooks girlfriend all evening and it was really nice. And I was proud of myself for having done it! (and I'm not exactly a "party girl")
By the way, BM, are you on the alt?
((((((hugs))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
