Am I eternally hopeful or in denial....?

[Silent Chrleader]

Man, you guys are the best!!

Thank you BM, GG & sandycay, for your supportive words.

I came home tonight and had another long talk with my son. I also did one of those home drug tests. The bad news is he tested positive. The good news is, he only tested positive for marijuana. NOT that that's a good thing by any means, but I was having visions of him being on coke, or meth, or heroin......so, all things considered, it could have been a lot worse.

He does seem truly remorseful for the stealing (one can hope he means it). I have taken his driver's license away and he will have to take a city bus, or walk to school. He starts at the alternative school on Tuesday, and they don't have school buses for that. This concerns me, because his motivation level is so low, I'm afraid he will just choose not to go to school if it's "too much trouble".

I'm concerned about what H will do tomorrow. He said he wants to cancel S17 from our car insurance, which I understand because it is expensive and S17 needs to earn back the trust he has lost. But, there are also situations, like going to the C which is a 40 minute drive, where we have needed to have S drive himself. So, I'm leary of stopping the insurance. But H can be so stubborn. I so don't want to get in a argument with H over it.

I was really hoping that 2009 would be my year!!......but it's looking like it's going to have at least a few unpleasant challenges of it's own!!

I also hate that I got a little weepy while on the phone with H about S17. He was a little impatient with it, and I feel like I lost a little ground in the "see how strong I am" stakes with him. He said "You sound like you're going to cry." and I said "I'm just so worried about S17 and feeling so overwhelmed with everything." To which he said "Well, I feel overwhelmed too but I'm not going to cry about it." (The bas**rd!)

I would like to think that H comes off as insensitive because he is pushing feelings of guilt away because he knows his behavior has been a trigger for all this........I'd like to think that, but I'm afraid that's probably not the case. If anything, H will likely use this as one more reason to walk.

But, I'm not giving up on my S17 or myself! Or my D24! Or my H for that matter! Not yet......hopefully not ever! Disfunctional though we may be, this is my family and I love them with all my heart! I'll fight the very devil before I give up on them!