Everyone's situation is complicated, intricate, and delicate. These past few years, I have quietly, yet achingly, watched my H leave me (for all the reasons we read in DBing) to not talk to me for 1-1/2 years, to eventually, in his turtle style, e-mail me, txt me, call me, and then little-by-little watching him make initiating patterns. I want to just tell him to stop being so stupid and come home, but I know he will run the other direction.
The trusting is trusting that his behavior is changing by initiating phone calls every couple of weeks by looking for me. I also have to trust myself that I am getting stronger by letting him come seek me (and eventually our R) out all by himself without my getting in his way. It isn't easy. I do a lot of talking to myself, re-reading my journals, and remembering what my db coach, Laurie, has told me. She has been a great source of advice, encouragement, support, and inspiration to me. I am thankful that the confidence in myself is stronger, as well. I have been consentrating on developing my identity in these past couple of years. Feeling better with myself has definitely helped me keep my hopes up. In turn, I have to trust that my H is seeing a new independent change in my behavior, too.
