Young, confused, and unhappy... MLC???

[job]

FitChik,
Now is not the time to mention anything about the relation and the hopes of reopening your h's heart to his faith. Right now, he's on a course of self-destruction and you must allow God to work on him in his own time.

Right now, from your comments, your h does view you as the enemy and anything about the relationship and/or faith at this time will make him more angry and defensive. Your gut may be talking to you and you are feeling compelled to talk to him about it, but I strongly advise you not to do it at this time. You will get the opportunity to have this chat at a later date.

You will need to learn to listen to what he's saying, that means, sift through the garbage he is speaking, validate and be a friend. You will need to really pay close attention to his body language because that will tell you a lot about what he's thinking. Remember, the eyes are the windows to the soul. Follow his lead for a while. If he speaks of the relationship, fine, but I wouldn't raise the issue w/him right now. He needs to settle down, focus on his issues and come to realize that you are not the enemy.

Keep the focus on you. Please allow God to take care of this matter. When the time is right, God will open the door for you to step through and then the time will be right for the conversation that you wish to have w/him.

[FitChik]

Thanks Snodderly,

I know you're right. I have surrendered my M to God but I still get the urge to sneak in there sometimes and introject my thoughts. I have been really good lately at not doing so. I continually have to surrender over and over again. I feel such a heavy load lifted off myself when I do this and know God's the one in control. Thank goodness I have you guys to keep me in check!

Since my H is deployed, our only contact at this point is e-mail. My H continues to ask me if I will let him out of this marriage. He is begging me to sign the D papers so that we can move on. How would you advise me to respond in this? Do I validate his question and say I cannot/will not keep him in our M or just not respond? I am not willing to sign but I know telling him that will only fuel his fire.

[job]

If the issue is raised again, you may want to say "H, I need some more time to think about this. This is a huge step for the both of us, but I need the time to adjust to the idea and get my head, heart and soul in alignment."

Have the papers been drawn up? Is he looking for you to do the work? I'm sure you are aware that if you are divorced, you are going to lose your benefits as a military wife. You need to planning out your life just in case this divorce does go through.

[peacetoday]

Fit
Hi
Im not sure how to respond to that
but maybe till you are clear try to avoid the topic
avoid all R talks
just take care of yourself
hang in there
peace

[FitChik]

Papers are drawn up and are in my possession - but I have not been officially served. Whether I sign or not, they will eventually go through in a few months. There is no work to be done. Yet he is still urging me to sign. He acts like a 5 year old throwing a fit until he gets his way. He does this but has never done it on me.

I just need to continue to stand firm, not let H pressure me and do what I feel is right for myself. The more I pray , the more peace I receive about doing nothing and waiting on God to lead me. I feel good about that.

Thanks for your input and support. It means a lot to me

[iwantout]

How long did you know each other before marriage?

Did he act like this before marriage?

Instead of a mlc this just may be his personality.

Have you talked to him about seeing a counselor to see why he is so unhappy?

Just my thoughts.

[K4D]

I know the feeling. Keep praying. Only God can fix this. I try to interfere to much also and it always makes things worse. You would think I would learn. Unfortunately, no amount of DB can fix mine as my W is an all together different animal and always has been. There are times when I just want to find someone else because I have no faith she will ever return and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. But I know I can't. I took a vow for life. Stay strong. And like I am always told, it will get better no matter what happens. Hard to swallow when you are in the middle of it. I'm right there with you. Hard to see, the future is. Little excerpt from Master Yoda.

Kevin

[iwantout]

That's great to hear someone else married for life.

So did I and I thought I could handle it all.

But this seems like to much and I wonder why?

But what choice do I have but to keep plugging away.

[FitChik]

Iwantout,

We knew each other about a year. I saw him act this way a few times to other people but never towards me. Obviously a red flag overlooked. I think it's a combo of his personality and some sort of personal struggle/crisis.

He is not open to counseling. My gut is he knows he is unhappy, he realized he would have to work through his issues to make a good M, and instead of working through them, he ran away. It seems too difficult and too much work.

[K4D]

For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, forsake all others, til death do you part. I'm not sure where the confusion is in taking this oath for life. Nothing wrong with separation to work on things. But divorce was not part of the oath. If you are plugging away and its not working, plug differently. Remember, work smarter. Think solutions.

If this didn't work last time, how can I change it so the outcome might be different the next time this comes up. Good luck, you can do it.

Kevin