We are working together on the school thing. she understands and knows she doesn't want to quit, she just doesn't want the aggtravation she is getting. My goal is to get her through this, school and everything else. I am working to reduce the stress and pain she is in.
I am over it. i don't hold it against her at all, again my focus is very straight right now. she is staying at her friends tonight, and that's fine. I understand all of their pain, again, W didn't just walk on me.
I am being extemely objective. I will talk to her more this weekend. We are working together on this plan. and she is agreeable to it. I was hoping for a response from the school today, but maybe tuesday, i hope.
I told her I am very concerned about her right now because she seems to have depression and stress that she should be trying to relieve. I have told her talk to me, yell, scream whatever she needs to do to let go of the pain. She sees the look in my face and knows what i am feeling, and not what I am thinking. she has no reason to be afraid, mad or thinking that I think ill of her. she knows the truth.
thanks for checking in. yours and FH posts the other day helped me focus on not her responses, but what needs to be done in order for us both to agree on the right path. No, this course of action I am undertaking has no room for holding grudges or holding onto anything useless such as words of pain and depression. these are my thoughts in regard to D17:
1. People are giving her a bad time, bullying her. Both in school and on the computer (cyber). I want it to end. she wouldn't mention the names of who because she says I know them. well they aren't hanging around here so I already know. I want it to stop and end, but not the way she thinks. i want her to gt past it by learning to ignore and focus. Not me booting these little girls in the ass. or calling their parents.
2. School. this is a straight A student who, because of the situation, can't focus and grades are suffering. Now she has this in her life so school is an unhappy experience. Rather than meet it head on, she relents. As I posted before, this is what the W has apparently done. I am hoping and praying (yes you saw that right, hoping) that see is not viewing her mothers state of mind right now as the way to deal. I will get her into this program and get her grades under control. If I can do this for her, she will at least have less emotional baggage and will be able to concetrate better.
3. what she said. It was true, I did apologize she achnowledged that I did. Move on.
4. Her relationship with me. I have pictures and very deep touching poems she has written to me over the years. the last one was this past Fathers Day. It is on my desk and I read it everyday. It is me and her in the house and I knew sooner or later she would get bored with my face. She goes to her mothers and she should if she wants to. I just don't want her going there to avoid me. I am a very hard person when I want to be, even with my kids, She must be handled very gently now, she is fragile and at the breaking point which is why the above are so important to me.
5. She will not be used as a doormat by me or anyone else, and neither will I be her doormat. Nuff said.
I will not pursue the relaitonship with D17, it will come back on its own. My focus isn't to be her best friend, its to be her Father. It is what she needs right now. Someone to give her direction and guidance. what she is getting from her mom is, "well if that s what you wanna do, then its fine by me, just check with your father". you see where that conversation is going don't cha?
Anyway, enjoy the night home and relaxing, very tired, very busy week as you have read. Made it through the day without even the urge to call W bout anything. read some different posts here in the infidelity and mid life areas. Advice is the same as I have been given and giving. I just need to follow my own advice. Walk has begun. Its sort of a walk a few steps, skid stones, walk some more, pick up sticks. That type of gait. i still can't hear anything, i know He is speaking because I keep looking up that way. Is it common for Him to speak, and yet you don't seem to think you hear anything? I mean and I getting messages that I just can't sense? Was feelinglonel;y a little while ago and have been doing some job hunting when I saw you posted to me, thanks.
But now I don't. I feel I should be doing something, feel like a lump, but I am very tired.
YEah, things are ok with me and D17. Other than the school thing I am working on, everything with me and her is "as if". Love you for looking in. Sorry I scared you . My confidant also hates me using the word Rage. He said to call it Davism. But he said he thinks i am on the right track. He has been telling me to keep busy but not get too far ahead of her. He thinks this strategy is what i need so I don't get nuts. Plus if the outcome isn't what I want it to be, I won't have to go through it all over again.
