@ downnotout, I wish I was a natural divorce buster, I wouldn't be in this mess then. ;-) I have ordered the books, haven't rec'd them yet but I will read them when I do. I never viewed it the way you put it, it could be a huge trust issue, can she trust herself to be with me and can she trust me not to repeat the same behaviors which drove her away. Seriously the hug lasted like 5min and to be honest it felt pretty damn good, I hugged her back, I didn't just stand there and take her hug, I didn't want to let her go but didn't want to appear clingy either. Could it be just physical attraction and nothing more? Maybe I'm just analyzing this too much, she always blamed me for being too damn analytical, I think she's right, I can't get it out of my mind. She has sent me several txts after she left, talking about the relationship and then she asked if I was playing games with her and I told her it's been a long separation and I have no intentions of playing games and putting on different faces for different people, I'm me, just me, not pretending to be someone else. Thanks for the advice bro, I'll take as much as I can get.
@ spellfire: to be honest I don't know for sure if there has been anyone else during our separation or currently that she is involved with, but to be truthful I don't think so, I think I would have noticed but anything is possible but my gut intuition would be no, there is no one else.
Am I 100% committed to getting her back? Good question, you know I was to begin with but the funny thing about being separated for such a long time, you are no longer attached to the idea, if it happens, it happens. Maybe that's part of my problem, maybe I'm starting to give up. But doesn't detachment normally bring that type of feeling or maybe it's just a poor assumption on my part. Do I want her back? YES and honestly not just for my kids, I do love her, I've always loved her, and I will continue to love her always regardless of what happens between us. But she has some poor behaviors that I'm not sure that I can live with without bringing some poor behavior out of me - is that a cop out to admit that or maybe just a failure on my part that I still haven't dealt with? I know I've read that if she treats you badly, just take it and not because you're being a doormat (because I was one for a long period of time and it isn't good for your self-esteem or soul) but part of not being a doormat means setting boundaries for how people can treat you, maybe leaving the room if she starts to treat me/talk badly to me instead of rewarding her behavior with my attention.
Am I willing to do the hard work even if she does very little and not resent her for it if we do eventually get back together? Another good question, I have probably done things in the past and used it against her (I did this, this and that - why don't I get credit for that?) I'm still improving everyday, not perfect by any means but much better. I am willing to do the hard work and maybe that's it, I need to prove to myself that I did everything I could to save this marriage and if doesn't work, I will have no regrets and can forgive myself for my past failures as a husband.
Quick question to both of you and anyone else reading: is it possible that her long hug & kiss isn't because she loves me, maybe she just misses a small part of me or maybe it's just a physical thing? Don't we all need some physical affection, don't we all think about it daily, heck I'm a guy, I think about sex 90 seconds of every minute!
