Because you are reading the "surface". Kalni is not someone that would just hold on. She is a leader.. look around my friend.. look around. Right now to me.. she is just barking orders. And sometimes this works. It takes someone "listening" to the barking for the "leader" to have followers. Right now.. in this moment.. I think she is "leading" to quickly. She is leaps and bounds above his thinking. I will assure you of 1 thing.. her H does not like the barking.
I see plenty my friend. I am not simply reading the surface. In fact in my opinion I am asking her the questions that need to be asked. Stating the facts that she lays out here back to her and seeing if she owns them. Which she has. Her H doesn't show any emotion, let alone dislike of her "barking". Personally, I think she is a lot gentler than I would be at this point.
Quote:
"Fear and insecurity are not the appropriate reasons to hang on longer than you should."
They can be. It depends on the situation. Here.. in this post.. the "fear" is a good thing.
And not unexpected.
No Forrest, your wrong on this one. Fear is not a good thing here. Fear is, again in my opinion, holding her back from acting on a decision that I believe she already has made in her heart. In fact, there is not a situation where fear and insecurity are a good thing.
You see Forrest, and I have told Maria how I feel about this, sometimes the standers are so stern on standing that they lose focus on the fact that not all marriages will be saved. Sometimes people find out through all of this that they deserve more than they are getting. That they are not living the life that they deserve and want. Mind you, I have not told her to leave her marriage, you should reread my last three posts to Maria and maybe you will understand the direction that I am hoping she will follow.
Marriage is about many different things. The reality is that families make many changes throughout this. Maria continuing on in an unhappy marriage will lead to anger and resentment. Guess what, the kids will see that and feel it and it can cause just as much if not more emotional damage to them than a divorce. I also question the morals and character that we teach our children when we do not listen to our hearts and follow the path that we believe will lead us to becoming healthy, happy, fulfilled people. I for one will never....ever.... teach my children to settle. They will understand that in life you take the bull by the horns and live it to the fullest of their ability.
Here is what I know, many of us care about Maria and her situation. We can openly offer her our opinions and we can all express our thoughts on how we think she should proceed. We do not have to agree, many times we don't. All we can do is offer our support and comfort through a very tough period in each individuals life.
I respect what you have to say, but quite honestly there really is no right or wrong for another persons situation that you or I can decide upon.
If I had my drothers Maria's H would make some changes and step up to show her that he can be what she needs. I still hope that he will and he possibly could when the time is right. However, I am also a die hard realist and believe that people need to understand that while this is a place to try and save marriages, it is also a place that offers support and compassion as marriages end. In fact, statistically I think that is the majority of what this site does and I for one think it is fantastic.
