I relate to what you said about whoever is lacking being 'in control'. My H did want sex often, but everything else he was fine with in tiny amounts. Like spending time together, working on projects together, going on dates, etc etc. I was (and still up until recently) was always the one nagging, complaining. Because I wanted more. Which made me unappealing to him because I couldn't just accept that he didn't NEED more even if I wanted more. He wanted me to just 'get over it'. Which sucks!
Sorry if that is hijack-ish. I just mean it is so true, the one who will settle for less seems to have the control.
On that note, I will never forget something I heard, of all places, from Tori Spelling (tacky 'actress' in the USA). Her mother told her to always 'be with a man who loves you more than you love him, that way you will always be in control'. Which is similar to what you said. If the other person is less invested, they are less willing to 'bend' for their husband/wife. Which is very sad...
