I don't know if this applies to your situation or not. But once my H told me I was loving him the way I wanted to be loved (letters, calls, touching, words of affirmation, quality time etc), not the way HE wanted to be loved. Problem is he could not tell me HOW he wanted to be loved...?
And he said that he was loving me (working to earn money so we could have all that we needed and I could stay home with the kids, acts of service like scooping the snow and household repairs) but NOT in the way I wanted to be loved and he knew it.
You said your husband said if you are wanting him to be someone else you need to find someone else, or something like that? I just wonder if he knows very well what you want for him, because you have laid it out there for him, but it is not the way he "wants" to love you? Which is sad, really....
