I have been SO tempted to call, txt or email today, with any excuse I could think of. Then I told myself, if there was ANYTHING she wanted to know about me or what I am doing, she would have contacted me. She hasn't so I won't either.
I think she will see this as me playing games as that has been metioned before, I told her that this is NOT the place for games and I an deadly serious in everything I am doing.
It's such a huge change for me, I know it will have shocked ger somehow,whether that is good or bad, well nobody knows.
Good for you WIT, keep on healing, the longer it strecthes, the better you will feel, you will be more in control of YOU, you will become less despondent and more positive about daily things and that is a BONUS in anyone's book!
I can see that it's working already as you are managing to sleep better, a sure sign of progress. LAst time I talked to my W, she hadn't been sleeping well either, I just sympathised and told her it's hard to relax isn't it. (I really felt like saying, well if you hadn't done such a stupid thing, we'd both be sleeping better so it's your own fault! - but I didn't)
Take care and keep on keeping on. JD has joined in again now.
Funny, must be something in the universe today, but I've felt more itchy to call today than I have in the last week. Maybe it's the upcoming weekend. I've filled the roster up. Even if I have to sit at Starbucks, I will not be home when h drops the dogs off on Sunday night. I'm hoping for dinner at a friend's house, like last weekend.
It is odd how this cycles, or how I cycle through it. I'm not sure which it is. Sometimes I crave to talk to a "fly on the wall" just to know or not whether my h is blithely happy or not.
I'll post to you (Silva) and JD this weekend. The DA-club is helping me hold this one together. Thanks.
Your thread is very intersting, lots of great advice. I didnt realise I was dark (dim?) but perhaps I am.. I havent really initiated for 5 months, since he started seeing ow, except for things about hte mortgage and I did send him an email in December asking if he had a good holiday. Other than that, if HE contacts me.. I respond. Is that whats called dim !? I dont know! I dont initiate but I am friendly when he contacts me. I dont mention ow and nor does he (apart from one meltdown last month). I would say if he DOES contact you, perhaps respond in a similiar tone and length (thats what Jody said, kind of match the mood of their contact) so he feels comfortable in contacting you.. but maybe leave it a while before responding?
I also felt very on edge and itchy for contact today.. I felt very wound up and restless so you could be right! There was a bit of an obsessive feel in the air.. I would say that was because the Moon squared Mars today making us restless and agitated and planet of love Venus made a quintile link to power and pyschological planet Pluto today... but others might think me mad!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
12-day challenge? Is that 12 days of no contact? I'll follow your progress on that for sure!
I'm glad you're sleeping a lot. It sounds like you need it. Lord knows I do. I would give almost anything to have eight solid hours of sleep without being drug-induced!
Weekend plans are good. They save me from myself a lot. What other training do you do besides the gym? I feel like a slacker because I just walk. You are going to be in fantastic shape!
Hang in there, head to Starbucks if you have to. You're doing a great job.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Interesting point Ali. I like to look at the planets and things, but have ZERO knowledge. :S. There is something going on though, we are in different time zones, different continents and still have the same 'pangs'.
PH, you got it right, 12 days of complete darkness for me, WIT and JD. I don't know about WIT and JD, but it's a HUGE 180 for me. I have always repsonded, asnwered, contacted, texted, eamiled or something within 2 days before. W asked me last Sunday, "When are you going to realise that it is OVER?" I said "I'm not, I believe in our marriage and am standing for it"
Be nice to see how this all pans out for us in the DA (detachers anonymous) club.
Anyone else want to join?, membership is free, only a broken heart is required
I think I need to join the club as a junior member. I can't go completely dark yet as we still live in the same house, but that may be changing soon. I can start by not answering the phone when BF (rarely) calls. It's difficult to not talk to him when we're home together because it comes across as really b*tchy. I definitely need to work on detaching for my own benefit. And I have the required broken heart.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Keep checking my thread and JDs thread as things and rules have to be adapted.
My "darkness" was broken tonight by a call from my W. I answered the phone as it was a withheld number. She was calling from work. 1st excuse, I texted S and he didnt reply so I wanted to see if he ws alright. Later on in the call 2nd excuse, just calling for a catch up. So, I am now back into the dark.
We have agreed that if W calls and it ends up being positive, then the start date doesn't change.
Hijack away, anyone, please! Take me away from myself!
Friday night... stopped in to see an old friend and his new furniture. Tomorrow I will ski with a new group. It's good to meet new people and it takes alot of energy at the same time.
I have a dry ski run 1 mile from my house and it always looks like great fun, but I haven't got the nerve to try!
One other thing, you can NEVER run away from you, you are stuck with yourself until the end. SO, you had better get used to loving yourself. If you don't no-one else can!
It's cross-country skiing that I'm mad about... don't know whether that changes it for you, god.
XC skiing and this year, snowshoeing, are my winter passions. I live very close to a river that freezes up and I'm snowshoeing miles in the dark early mornings with the dogs, before work. It's fantastic.
Journalling....
The nc or going dim has particular dimensions in my sitch. There are 2 factors: my h's process is very slow and he has some involvement with ow, perhaps a full-fledged relationship. Secondly, our m may be over regardless. It may be one of the ones that MWD talks about it her book.
That impacts on my thinking. During the nc, I have spent alot of time considering life without my m and what I want the second half of my life to hold and be. I have a much stronger sense that I am responsible for the choices and decisions I make that create my own happiness.
I'm in my mid-40s. I don't have children. One of the things I mull regularly is whether, when I'm healed, I will begin the process of adopting a child by myself. The prospect of parenting a young child alone at mid-life is daunting. I don't know where I'll end up on that decision but it is a factor in turning over whether and when I want to bring some final clarity to the situation with h. There is a sense that I don't have time to wait too long or that I've already waited long enough.
Right now it means that my life just hasn't turned out like I planned or hoped. I'm grieving that as well, I suppose.
