I have a hunch that my previous thread will lock up before I awake in the morning so I will start a new one with my last posting about Tuesday evening:
Thanks, all, for your posts, prayers, advice, encouragement.
H just left. I was really low key, did my own thing which was in the house doing different things. I did not go outside. Then he came in and watched tv with me and of course, he sat in his recliner chair.
S18 and his friend were out front and I went out there and H was leaving. He said he was coming over on Thursday or Friday and I was like, you are????
Then he leaned over and kissed me a few times, said he loved me and I just started to cry and he was speechless but his eyes were looking emotional.
I was okay, regained my composure and went inside.
I am okay, really, I am.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
H will be here again tomorrow or Friday, and then Saturday and Sunday.
I sense something very different but cannot quite put my finger on it.
He really looked like he was in pain (from this mess).
Only God knows.........
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
As I was reading thru other people's threads I realize that in a way, I should be thankful that H and I get along, that he still shows some affection toward me, and that he maintains contact in person at least 2-4 days per week.
It is still hard at times but it could be much worse.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I guess H will be here tomorrow since he did not come today. Not a bad thing since I was under the weather and did not feel like wanting people to come into the house.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
NO contact with H at all since he last came over which was Tuesday. I know the girls attempted to text him two days ago saying they needed a ride somewhere but he never texted them back.
I used to take it personally if he did not get back with me on something but now he does it to the kids as well. Gosh, I remember when he would call S18 every single day. H has not done that in a long time.
I am having to keep tabs on the kids cell phone minutes as we are winding down to zero minutes and I do not want them to go over as it is 40 cents per minute!! I noticed H gets his daily calls from ow when she gets off work and those are getting longer (in minutes) but I don't say anything to him. If he complains that we went over the minutes all he has to do is look at his own activity. I have to laugh though because we never called each other right when we got off work. Oh how I love to see how these ow have their MLC men on a leash! Really, all we can do is sit back and laugh.
Detaching has been easy when you keep busy like I have been. Yeah, when he leaves it is emotional if only for a few minutes and then I bounce right back.
Other than that, nothing else is new in MLC land.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Yep, H is coming over today. H texted D16 and said he would be over this afternoon.
Strange that he is coming over what about 4x/week, and on a Friday???? In addition to the weekend?????
Snodderly-what do you make--that we are the glue that keeps us together and that he could never really break away from all of us?
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I don't find his behavior strange at all. There have been a few on the board that have had the same type of interaction with their spouses as well, some doing exactly what your h is doing. No matter what he's done or tried to do, he cannot break the string that attaches him to you and your family. Until he can break away from her and can take that first step, he will remain paralyzed. For them, it's easier to stay right where they are then to venture forth, no matter how much they want to make that step. They really are afraid of hurting everyone, especially those that they have hurt in the entire process. They are just plain afraid and that's what is paralyzing him...fear of huritng someone, fear of the unknown, fear of what life is going to be like if he moves back home, fear if he stays at the ow's place and never returns home.
M, we are rational people who have met the crisis head on, we've fought our way along the path by tooth and nail, your h hasn't. We are not passive-aggressive, nor do we finger point, we aren't in denial either. We know exactly what we've been dealt and we've taken it on head first. Your h hasn't. So, he's having to deal w/all of the bs now and it's rather overwhelming, to say the least. Until he can put all of his fears to bed, he's going to be like this a while longer.
His faith has been and continues to be tested. He's got to find a way out of the cheeseless tunnel and you can't help him w/this. All you can do is leave him be and keep your home a safe place. It's a tough place to be at right now, because the signs are all there that he wants to come home, but we can't push and/or rush him. It's got to be him that makes that decision.
Please take care of yourself and hopefully very soon the answers will be reveale to you as to when he's going to return.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks, Snodderly, I so appreciate what you say and I know you speak the truth.
Believe it when I say that doing my own thing with the selling stuff has been great for me. I am in control of it, manage it myself and the way I want to do it plus I stay on top of it. Most people would think you just list something and walk away. Not always true as people have questions about your item(s) and I like to answer promptly. There is a lot more to it but it keeps me busy and the days just seem to fly by.
You will hear my kids gripe that mom is on the computer a lot but hey, that is what I have chosen to do and it pays the groceries!!
I love what I am doing right now and I intend to keep it this way.
As for H, I guess it's his move now and all I can do is keep on what I have been doing which is okay with me for now.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
