I don't find his behavior strange at all. There have been a few on the board that have had the same type of interaction with their spouses as well, some doing exactly what your h is doing. No matter what he's done or tried to do, he cannot break the string that attaches him to you and your family. Until he can break away from her and can take that first step, he will remain paralyzed. For them, it's easier to stay right where they are then to venture forth, no matter how much they want to make that step. They really are afraid of hurting everyone, especially those that they have hurt in the entire process. They are just plain afraid and that's what is paralyzing him...fear of huritng someone, fear of the unknown, fear of what life is going to be like if he moves back home, fear if he stays at the ow's place and never returns home.
M, we are rational people who have met the crisis head on, we've fought our way along the path by tooth and nail, your h hasn't. We are not passive-aggressive, nor do we finger point, we aren't in denial either. We know exactly what we've been dealt and we've taken it on head first. Your h hasn't. So, he's having to deal w/all of the bs now and it's rather overwhelming, to say the least. Until he can put all of his fears to bed, he's going to be like this a while longer.
His faith has been and continues to be tested. He's got to find a way out of the cheeseless tunnel and you can't help him w/this. All you can do is leave him be and keep your home a safe place. It's a tough place to be at right now, because the signs are all there that he wants to come home, but we can't push and/or rush him. It's got to be him that makes that decision.
Please take care of yourself and hopefully very soon the answers will be reveale to you as to when he's going to return.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
