I personally cant be as passionate and loving as I should be because there is more hurt I suppose on my end.
Ava, I think this has very much to do with our problem too. She is so hurt by not only things that I have done, but also things in her past while she was growing up. None of her pain has ever been healed. Some of it is buried so deeply within her, she is not even aware of how it affects her.
I'm trying to move past all the pain and resentment, while she just keeps it all bottled up inside.
The things that I did were never meant to hurt her. They were my feeble attempts, at the time, to protect my own feelings. When I withdrew from her, I now know, it caused a lot of pain for her, how could it not? It's all that I knew to do at the time and it was so foolish.
What's done is done. We can't rewrite our past. All we can do now is to try to work through this and build our future together. The trouble is that I can't make her see that she must join me to make this future together.
I can't do it alone. I do love her so much but she has closed herself off from me.
Ava, I keep praying that our spouses will look inside of themselves and see the pain that is there and to finally heal their hearts.
