I'm hard pressed to say anything given you are hurting and depressed. I can tell you once again how wonderful and well loved you are but you already know that many times over.
For some reason I resonate with a lot of what John posts to you. Maybe because I've been thru' the "Valley of Death" all the way to the "Top of the Hill" and have seen the other side. At any rate his thoughts on you are mine exactly: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=9#Post1694612
As usual I racked my brain to make sense of FG's post. What stood out is: "You could be dreaming of "situations". But.. what does Marriage mean? The mods will tell you.. make it work. True Giving." For me this translates to "commitment" or "unconditional love" or "loving H for who he is now". That's your starting point, not the "house on the hill". And H needs to sense this to turn around and follow you, the leader. My W often dreamed and desired this way too - guaranteed misery. Better to face reality (what you have now) and work up from there to the "House on the Hill" one step at a time. There are no short cuts.
Its good you posted exactly how you felt. Does H know this? There's a lot in there that stands out. I believe you have the early warning symptoms of a WAW - the complaining, depression, ... Unless you are complaining about H to wise counsel its a "slippery slope" and self-fulfilling prophecy - guaranteed to produce more strife and a hardening of the heart. Don't get me wrong, I still think you are a wonderful, beautiful woman and you are so human too.
Your H needs to feel "trusted" and "respected" in order to fill his "love bucket". When it fills up you will feel the love. The sunshine is there somewhere. When the Earth revolves and rotates some more and the clouds pass we will surely see it.
