hey BM, I've been lurking and reading your story and I'm thinking that yeah, maybe you should push him a little to either sh*t or get off the pot.
That may not be very DBish, but you need to take care of you and your son. Once your H goes or doesn't then at least you'll have some calm (hopefully) in your home to think. And if he goes he'll have time to think (and maybe miss you).
My 2 cents...
H 51/W 43 Together 24yrs/Married 19yrs 2 kids- D18 & S16 "I want out" July 2008 "I want out" Dec 2008 "I want you out" Aug 2009 Still in house thru it all
Hey Ms. Jen, thank you so much for posting. The sad thing is, my home has been very calm throughout this due to me. I have been kind throughout with only four or five backslides during the 19 months. Alright, they were big ones, but for the most part, h and I have gotten along like acquaintances.
But now he has said he is leaving for good. He wanted to do it slowly over two weeks for son's sake. So, I might not have to make that decision as he has been gone for four days.
I guess I will see what happens over the next few days. I do know that I have to file next week and that is making me sick.
Interesting that this started when my h turned 50 also.
This is hard. Having h gone. I know that I needed him to make a decision. That him coming and going as he pleased was too hard. But this, this is heartbreaking. I have been with him for 30 years. He worked from home for the last 8 years. To go from that, to this, is so difficult.
BM checking in on you. Sorry this is so tough. Once he is gone it really doesn't get much easier. I think I cried for over a year. Crying still creeps in now and then.
This is so very difficult. You want this M, but you are with someone that doesn't want the M right now. What can you do?
You CAN only take care of you right now BM. That's it! You come first. I am sure guilt keeps your h waffling. He is conflicted.
He knows what he is doing is not right, but he doesn't want to stay and work on the M. Conflicted!
Take care of you and your son. That is what is important right now.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
BM Hang in there you have been at this for a while and have done a lot of work on yourself get some rest some moments are so painful on this journey then the pain again subsides tomorrow will be better and everyday you are stronger peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thanks you both for posting. Yes, I think it is guilt that keeps him waffling. I wish I could have db'd while he was here, I tried, but I just couldnt. And that will haunt me.
If he was ever going to see if he could be happy outside of this house, I really think he needed to leave for him. Otherwise, he would always wonder.
Thanks you both for posting. Yes, I think it is guilt that keeps him waffling. I wish I could have db'd while he was here, I tried, but I just couldnt. And that will haunt me.
But, if he was ever going to see if he could be happy outside of this house, I really think he needed to leave for him. Otherwise, he would always wonder.
But that doesnt make it any easier. I have done some work on me, but I have miles to go. He has been gone four days - I contacted him once regarding finances. He was not happy that I did.
I'm so sorry you are hurting. But I have to disagree that you didn't DB for the last 18 months! I have read your sitch, and from what I can tell, you showed your H unconditional love by giving him his space and being kind and, as far as I'm concerned, only backsliding a handful of times in all those months is almost heroic effort on your part!
What you haven't done enough of is GAL, and now is your chance to really do that in a big way! Go out and get a manicure and/or pedicure, or better yet, a massage! Go shopping and buy some outfit that you would never have imagined buying for yourself! Color your hair a completely different color. Anything just to try something different. Even if whatever it is isn't a smashing success, it is still important because you will have shown yourself you can do it!
I actually went to a dance club one Saturday night all by myself! I dressed in a short skirt and tight tank top and I went! I didn't get asked to dance, but I ended up sitting at the bar and talking to the cooks girlfriend all evening and it was really nice. And I was proud of myself for having done it! (and I'm not exactly a "party girl")
By the way, BM, are you on the alt?
((((((hugs))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
hey sc, I know I did db to a certain extent but I didnt do enough of the GALing as I should when he was here and I didnt really do any 180's. I was too afraid of pushing him out the door to do anything drastic.
I did change my hair color and cut and changed how I dressed. I lost some weight but still need to lose a lot more. I havent been GAL as much since son has become so depressed. I have been staying closer to home.
I also dont have much in the way of money since h has ruined us financially. I have a neuromuscular disease so certain things are difficult.
I am not in the alt universe because h and ow are. THanks for checking in.
Having a tough time today. Havent heard from h in almost 5 days.
and I'm thinking that yeah, maybe you should push him a little to either sh*t or get off the pot. 