Healing my Heart Part 6

[fightingirish]

Saffie,

That wasn't directed at you hun ... We were having a conversation, your my friend, we have a relationship, the other poster doesn't know me from adam. That was the point I was trying to get across.

Gary,

I welcome any comments you have about your own situation and what you are through, the more the merrier.

Well I guess you could say our marriage has been ok. I got married young (19) and I would have definately waited if I had a brain in my head then. He was very controling and jealous. He changed over time, and became more secure with me, His own father was VERY jealous man, I do believe this may be genetic.. anyways, As time went on things changed, I won't say it was easy, but I got through it and things did get better.

Now its a matter of his insecurities with himself. I think he feels inadequate with me. He has do this to himself. I tell him over and over again and try to reassure him, but its not enough.

In the bedroom arena, he didn't feel that he was getting enough. Im happy with 1 day a wk. He's not. This is our wk area, not the actual act, but the frequency. This has been more of an issue after my first son was born.

We don't spend quality time with each other, I have communicated this to him a lot.

I know I can be hard to live with sometimes, im stubborn and bull headed. I get on the defense easily, and am a very independent person. Which means that I don't like when he messes with my system, so to speak. But this is both our faults. He's not home a lot, and when he is home, he expects certain things from the kids, and because he's not around, they are not used to his barking. Mind you, he loves the kids, but sometimes is to harsh, and that's when we bang heads.

I know what you mean about your W throwing herself into parenting. I too am like that. The kids are the most important thing to me. That can be bad and good. My kids are small so they are very dependent at this stage, I do think my H is a bid jealous of that.

BUT, I also have made several attempts to be alone with my H, but to no avail.

Yes I absoultely want to help my M. Its a work in progress though. I have my really bad days, and really good days. Its a long roller coaster ride.

As far as threatening seperation, That wouldn't help anything in my case. He is far too stubborn for that and would tell me to go right ahead. He is not the type to be begging, trust me.

I know what I have to do, its just hard when he's constantly not here.

We need to make more time for us.. and I have to insist on it.

Learn to seperate our business relationship with our Marriage. (I work for his business, I should say our business, doing estimates and bidding all day).

He's got a very difficult personality. Hes either really nice or really mean, there is no middle ground.

Its funny, when I took him to the airport last sunday, it was just him and I, and without our kids yelling and screaming in the back of the car, we actually had a nice conversation, and it felt great. He was attentive and really nice. It felt good, and Im miss that.