Previous topic was Locked. So far so good with my sitch. Following The Divorce Remedy recommendations. Now W is telling me she isn't interested in Sex. She stated it just doesn't interest her anymore and can live without it. Once a week is more than enough. I was wondering about Hormones playing into that. Any Ideas ?
Yes hormones play a part, my wife is premenopausal and it definitely is part n parcel to mlc among other things. I heard the same sex story that you did. Sorry to hear this.If it is possible will she go to doctor to check it out?.Don't push it too hard though. That is pursuing, be careful.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
When we woke up this am, a back rub started to lead to something else. She said she just wasn't interested in it anymore, besides we just had sex last saturday... I said oh, sorry about that !
Now W is telling me she isn't interested in Sex. She stated it just doesn't interest her anymore and can live without it.
We have all heard this.
Quote:
When we woke up this am, a back rub started to lead to something else.
She rubbed your back !!! - excellent! but you were not happy at that and pushed it further!? - PURSUING
You rubbed her back !! - PURSUING
I am not sure you are getting this, is this helping you detach? Is this giving her space? Is this earning her love and respect.
I am sorry to be blunt but these creaping and pursuing actions, are coming across to her as a creapy slimeball, trying to satisfy you immediate needs. This will not earn her love and respect, and certainly is not helping you detach.
Going back to the first point about living without sex. Mine said this, could be menapausal, but she has certainly got her drive back now with another man.
Mine actually said, she wanted to live on her own, was certainly not going to go from the pan into the fire, and if she made a mistake, then would hook back up for the children. (absolute drivel)
Lies, lies and more lies!
In reality we begin to repulse them, and actions like back rubs and requests for sex make the situation worse. In reality they may well be another man, and they feel a warped sense of betrayal to the OM by still having sex with the LBS.
I am sorry to be blunt, but we are the same age, and the situation is so similar, and if I can stop someone making the same mistakes as I did, then my time on this board is my payback for the support and help I received.
Thanks to Smurf for writing what I also thought, but was reluctant to post.
It is possible your wife is experiencing a lack of desire for some legitimate physical issue.
Given the rest of your marital situation, it is at least equally likely that her lack of sexual desire has to do with you. As Smurf has said, she is either currently turned off by the thought of being intimate with you, she is already physically involved with another man, or possibly both.
We don't do ourselves any favors by treading through these types of messes with our eyes closed.
And Smurf is on the mark yet again with the message here being that you are NOT leaving her be as you need to at this time.
LISTEN to her.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
1. I'm still in the same house and bed with the W. I can't just ignore the woman. I am trying to be happy, responsive, and yet not pursue. Not easy to do when any change in my behaviour is seen as I have a problem...
2. It is possible she is lying about an OM. She contends there is no one else, and there "are" some female issues going on...
3. I haven't dealt with these issues before. I am not comfortable, nor experienced with them.
This is like walking through a minefield just to clear it. My chances of stepping in doo doo are assured. I am being patient, and reading "The Divorce Remedy. As far as when and if I want to try to ML to my W, How do you know until you try ? Me, just being in the house, probably is perceived as pressure.
First off, I feel for ya man...I too have a live-in MLC'er.
BUT.....I'm sorry, I can't let you off the hook on this, We collectivly, get to have a front row seat to this circus. And I can't let you have a free pass right now. Everything that you do is more important, more scrutinized, more anal-ized ( i mean it that way too ) than others who are living seperatly.
None of us here, have dealt with anything like this before, and hopefully, will never come witness to it again. The way that we have to carry ourselves is downright un-human at times, and we need to be the rock for us, her , and if you have children.
You will see and hear things that will make you want to pull most of your hair out most of the time.
I believe that female hormones do play a part in this. This seems to hit most women around the time of either menapause, or having their tubes tied, Post Partum depression. Whatever the reason....It is not for you to figure her out. This is her show, and you get to be a bystander in it.
It is also far more important to be positive and yet distant at the same time. You will see far more of the craziness than most others have seen. One of the things that has helped me was , first to understand and read all that you can about this. If you truly understand it for what it is, the better plan of action you can develop for yourself. Second. view this as an oppurtunity instead of a setback. Life is about perspective, and the better yours is.....the better you will get along. She gets to go on this self-finding mission......but so do you right now.
I, like many of us here, will NOT let you have a pass for not doing the things you need to do because she lives there with you. Detachment is the key. And the more things you do for you, the easier it is to detach. They kinda go hand-in-hand with each other.
Drop the rope, and watch the show go on...and before you ask? Yes, the more rope you give, the more they take...
Your expectations should be at zero right now. Positive AND negative ones. Don't expect anything from her, and to be honest? If YOU don't want it? The easier it is to live without the rejection.
ral.....this isn't easier....or harder than other situations....just different.
