*ducks* (spelling? meaning "avoids being hit on the head by furious Ali and others that believe in 2 years rest between relationships...) (LOL!!) (BTW, it will soon be 2 years for both of us. I know my issues started March 2007) K
Thanks for your understanding girls and yes, its definetly a pattern alright!
I agree K ! It started end May/June 07 for me, but then, he was showing signs by being snappy and stuff in yes, March 2007. I'm only going to get over him if I meet someone else. But then, I am pretty vunerable still, I'm not sure I am 'strong' enough to go out with someone so it probably is too soon hey.
And its notoriously hard to meet people down here, its a low population. Thats why I am sure Helen snapped my ex up and cant believe her luck when he rolled into view.
I feel so jealous that he has the great career, the shared house with mates soon, living in a beautiful village by the sea, the 'fun' younger girlfriend, mates he can freely go for drinks with, money to spend on holidays, no need to worry about his biological clock, someone who probably adores him and laughs at all his jokes...
Uhh.. I may have got that a bit wrong, but it seems that way from where I am sitting !!! xxx
I feel so jealous that he has the great career, the shared house with mates soon, living in a beautiful village by the sea, the 'fun' younger girlfriend, mates he can freely go for drinks with, money to spend on holidays, no need to worry about his biological clock, someone who probably adores him and laughs at all his jokes...
And yet hard evidence suggests what?? He's not looking his best, he's depressed... he may well be having those things, shouldn't that spur you on to create a marvellous life for you? That is a paragraph of assuming
Have you tried Times Online - my sister met a really nice bloke through there.
Hey Ali- I am glad that you are seeing the pattern of what happens when he makes contact; it puts you on a real rollercoaster. Anyway-- I was talking to my daughter yesterday about dating and it seems like something you might benefit from.
There is a woman author who suggests 'circular dating'. What that means is that UNTIL a guy actually says "I would like to commit to you and have you commit to me" you go out on dates with at least 3 guys continuously. Not that you sleep with them, or even kiss them; just that you keep your options open. It takes the pressure of you so that you can just enjoy spending time with the guys without the worry of "where is this relationship going".
It boosts your self esteem to have different men interested. It helps you figure out what you are looking for. And instead of "falling into" a relationship, you will *know* which guy actually has the desire to commit to you.
Your Mileage May Vary
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Thanks Julia, well, yeah, he's probably not happy, he never has been or maybe he's getting there.
Hey Trixi, I'd struggle to find 3 eligible men here, neverlone that are willing to be in a revolving door dating program with me, lol!! I usually know which one is right, its an unmistakeable falling head over heels thing for me! Annoying cos you bypass those little details like, are they trustworthy/compatible!?
Yeah know the pattern well now. Its hit me hard this time, seeing as he was so chatty, especially after hearing those comments from friends. Its a killer. Both his BMF that relayed that stuff were certain thats how he feels.. but we're barely in contact. I'm struggling with the fact that I have had enough bf's to know I have lost a good man. I havent met anyone in 18 years that compares to him (xbf's included).
This has been the most horrible period of my life. I'm not ready to date, I wish I was, but I couldnt take rejection, getting interested in someone and running the risk of them not wanting to see me again.
LOL Trixi, that's pretty much what I did this summer.
Ali, just get out and meet people, hang out with the ones that you enjoy. While I totally get the whole spending time alone to heal, most of us on here have been coming up on a year or two alone. I know it took me a solid year after the bomb and a couple months after the second one before I got to the point where I was ready to date, and I was just interested in having some casual fun, getting out more. Wasn't looking for anything serious as I'm still dealing with papers for the D and all.
If you were to go out on a date, I don't think anyone, including you, should feel it was too soon. And now is probably not the best time in your life to dive headfirst into a new serious R. Going out on a date doesn't mean $h!t for long-term. So just have some fun and take care of you.
It's great that you know he was a good man. But he is depressed and dealing with a lot of issues that only he can fix. So enjoy your life in the meanwhile and see if he catches up to you later.
(((Ali)))
You can step off the roller coaster. It's not easy, hell sometimes contact with STBXH still sets me off, but compared to where I was a six months ago, it's barely noticeable. It's about letting go of your expectations, and letting go of him. “If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.” You can't control him sweetie, he's gotta make his own choices.
And you can choose to keep the door open while still moving forward with your life.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Hey Michelle, Thanks for your message.. but I've had NO offers (unless you count M BMF, eek!) at all! There isnt anyone even remotely suitable, neverlone interested in me! Zero dating options! I'm not spending time alone on purpose, I havent got a choice, lol.
I wouldnt date yet, not because of him (he's got a gf! I am a free agent)...but because I know myself well and I need to get stronger first. But I agree, a bit of fun would be good..
Mini vent! I was tidying my PC and I found 2 things I havent seen for a long time. Some photos my Dad gave me in Aug 2007 (1st bomb).. there was one of us taken 2 weeks before. He looked lovely, relaxed, beaming smile. I dont remember seeing that photo before, so that was wierd, kind of eery.
Then I found an email Dec 07, just after he left. Amazing...over a year later, I am NO WISER as to why he did this (ow?), we've had no conversation about our R, how astonishing. His email in parts said :
...i know you think that i'm doing this because i feel depressed and that i'll snap out of it soon. i'm sorry but thats not the case. i'm doing this becasue its the right thing for me, its so hard beacuase i know its the opposite of what you want...
...i'm so sorry al, i truly am....
...please don't continue to blame yourself, and i'm sorry i can't give you the answers you need.
..and still no answers a year on! He sounds strong, determined...perhaps he had her in mind giving him strength to leave and feel he was doing the right thing. He sounds kind of cold too, insisting he doesnt have depression! Maybe he didnt feel he did have, maybe he thought our R was the root of his unhappiness.
Hahahah.. I've lived here 2 1/2 years and not met anyone that remotely floats my boat ! Most people I know are in the 20-23 bracket, my neighbours are in their 70's and the ones in the middle age group are M.
I'm going sailing tommorow with 5 guys though, so you never know! Although, its going to be gusts of up to 90mph here, so it might be cancelled...or very exciting and life threatening!
