I've started reading through your thread. Not sure I'm going to be able to really follow it completely. I guess I'm coming in way late. But from what I've seen thus far, it sounds like maybe I have quite a bit in common with your husband. I don't know if you want the feedback from a man who didn't really understand what was going on in his marriage until way too late. (Well, I hope it's not "too late.") I was involved in many activities outside the home. I took my family for granted. And in return my family took me for granted. Eventually we just sort of drifted apart. We did very little together. It took a lot for me to see the light. And by no means was I alone in not taking care of the marriage. My wife was equally to blame. We did a horrible job of communicating our needs and expectations. (Ironically, I have a master's degree in English and my wife has a master's in education, and WE did a terrible job of communicating.)
For me, it wasn't until my wife insisted on a separation that I really started to understand what was going on. Until then I didn't understand my own responsibility in the failure of our marriage. Without the separation would I have ever really understood my contribution to the marriage's failure? Maybe not. So I guess I'm saying it sometimes takes a major event to make a husband wake up from his self-involved funk and see how his behavior is problematic.
Okay, so I'm writing this to you without having read your entire thread. I have no idea how long that is going to take me. Maybe what I'm telling you now is irrelevant. Maybe you're way past what I'm writing about. Maybe you've already kicked out your husband (not that I'm necessarily advocating that) and I haven't got to that part yet.
I'm sorry. Give me some time and I'll get through more of your thread so maybe I'll have something relevant to say.
me: 50 w (waw): 45 daughter: 9 m: 16 t: 19 bomb: 9/26/08 status: physical separation for 7 weeks, then work-in-progress R
If you would like I can sum up for you so you don't have to do all that reading.
H and I have been married for 18 years.. 2 kids (3 and 6)
Found out he posted a naked picture of himself on Adultfriendfinder in july 2006, subsquently found a letter he wrote to someone that was very explicit (digusting) Although I don't have any hard proof he cheated, it was almost just as bad.
He works a lot, out of state sometimes. Is a very hard worker. But doesn't seem to need to spend time with me alone unless its for sex. Can me very selfish, and mean. We are both hot heads, I've gotten better (although I think it may be me detaching) He has had an issue with porn. He's gotten better, but only because he's not home probably to view it. He's very critical of me, which also I have been trying to ignore.
That's the short of it.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
If it's insane to be on them, get off. I'm out of line here a bit, so I apologize. But I defend MD's for a living, and my h is a pain specialist.
Do you really really not know that if you have taken ANY medication for a long time, that going cold turkey might be a bad idea? Honestly, take some responsibility for knowing what you are taking as well. Already you have said "opiates" but the original person was referring to clonazepam, didn't seem to know why she was taking it, but called it a narcotic. Strictly speaking, its' an anti-anxiety med, not a pain med. Her med belongs to the family called the benzodiazapines but yours, MAY be an opiate. I say "may" because you didn't name it. So I don't know what you are discussing but she is not taking an opiate.
If you dont' want to be on a medication, TELL your MD and if your pain symptoms are better and you don't need the meds anymore, wean off. WEAN off. Burn patients get "addicted" to morphine for obvious reasons. They don't get discharged from the hospital cold turkey with some advil. They wean off.
IF your doctor knows you want to be off of them (which YOU will have to communicate b/c he/she won't guess or mind read) then he/she will help you slowly decrease your dose. Otherwise blood pressure can rise and it can be very unpleasant. Withdrawal from benzodiazapines can even be fatal with seizures, if not monitored.
But I do not hold the physician responsible for what I've read here so far. Sounds as if some people don't tell their docs, or ask their docs enough. No one is a mind reader and folks on this board of all places must remind ourselves of that.
Sorry for the lecture and hijack but it rubbed me the wrong way, obviously. Felt that docs were getting hit and you were not taking responsibility for yourselves OR even discussing the same meds, AND dangerously using medical words interchangeably and incorrectly. And if your mom has taken ANYTHING for 6 years, I'd be amazed if she thought she could simply stop, and not notice or feel different. If it were true that she wouldn't notice a thing, I'd suggest she tell her doc and stop. IOW, it must be wasted if she gets nothing good out of it. IT's always a cost vs benefit analysis...much like marriage.
Okay, lecture over. (( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Firstly I am in a lot of pain. I am borderline whether or not to operate but because of my age and the risks involved they don't want to operate yet.I take high doses of co-codamol - the highest a GP can prescribe and on maximum dose. I am also on methocarbamole (sp?) and a nerve interceptor - Gabpentin, together with valium to cope with the muscle spasms caused by the pain. I have to take Furesomide because of fluid retention caused by the Gabapentin. I also go three monthly for steroid injections into my neck in six places.
Not only do I suffer pain in my neck and in my head, but I also am losing the sensation in my little finger on my left side and the finger next to it and suffer from pins and needles and loss of sensation on the inside of my arms.
I am a pretty active person - I have horses and four kids. I don't have much alternative it seems. I have seen neurologists and spinal specialists and am under a pain clinic.....so no need to get on your high horse with me thanks. I am taking expert care and have very good medical cover. I am told that the risk of operating at the moment outways the good they think it could do. I could lose the strength in my arms if they did the operation they think that ultimately I need. I suffer from deterioration in some places in the discs in my neck.....and in other places I grow too much bone which traps the nerve endings where they emerge from the discs.
If you think you know better then please advise.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Didn't think I was on a "high horse", & apologized for being out of line orignally, admitted but said you and the other poster/woman hit a nerve...
But how is your treatment "insane"? On the contrary, since you are seeing well trained specialists, it sounds complex. Other person complained the doctor didn't "warn" her about withdrawal of a drug she misnamed (they use the same categories in the UK as here, & opiates and benzo's have the same definitions there as here) assuming her doctor even knew she'd stop cold turkey AND assuming that her symptoms were in fact withdrawals. I see a lot of "blame the doctor" in my world, and sometimes it's misplaced. I DO NOT KNOW BETTER than the experts you are presumably seeing, and that is my point. Neither do people who don't know your symptoms or diagnosis but feel free to critisize well trained professionals who know you.
Medical care is a partnership and the patient is one of the partners who should take responsibility for communicating, and knowing what they are taking and why.
What's "insane" about that?
That was my point. Sorry for the hijack, but not sorry for the comment. My h got sued for giving an epidural into a 440 lb man with prostrate cancer. The man later aspirated on food, got sick, and stayed an extra month in ICU. He said due to the epidural that he could no longer ml to his wife. (Also sued 6 other doctors, literally).
ZERO connection between h's epidural for the prostate, and which was removed days before the guy ate food too fast, and his sexul "injury". (Forget about his weight or prostate cancer as the real reason for the sex issues---)
Well we won the case before trial after filing 2 motions to dismiss. WON the case BEFORE trial..but cost us $60,000 dollars (I spelled it out so you know the actual number)
Patient said he didn't know all "the details" before suing my h, and blah blah blah but I got served the papers at home with the kids, and spent college funds to defend and WIN. YES h had malpractice insurance, but the missed days of work for depositions, and my time missed from my other cases, yes, $60k out of pocket. DOn't even know what the ins paid the rest of the defense team. That patient took NO responsibilty for his care or his condition and I see "bash the doctor" all the time for every poor outcome. That guy's outcome wasn't even bad, given his conditions and he thought nothing of blaming doctors for things HE controlled more than they did. Sue a doctor? Sure, why not?
Glad you are getting good care there. j
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25mlc- So part of your post was directed to me and partly to saffie. First off, I didn't say they were opiates, I know after research it is a benzodiazapine. Anyways, You may defend MD's but I have been in the Health Field for 11 years, and have seen good dr.s and bad ones, so althought you don't like hearing about dr.s not doing their job, well this is the real world. There are tons of dr.s who don't do their jobs.
I actually like my dr. But if this drug was not supposed to be used for more than 2 wks for insomnia, that should have been told to me, he gave me a script for 60 days.
I have very pro-active with my health care, but sorry, Doctors also have a responsibilty to their patients.
Furthermore, as far as my mom goes, why would she think she had to be weaned off? I didn't say she didn't know that, but she also didn't know how addictive the drug is, this is her dr.s responsiblity to tell her what the effects of it are.
I know what Im taking, and now I know the effects.
Please do not come on my thread and preach to me, or any of my friends here, you don't know me, and you have never posted to me before.
Although you may have felt it necessary for you to post your little rant, I don't appreciate it.
Saffie is from another country and most likely the drugs are different there. You also don't know what she has been through, so don't try and guess.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
