I am so tired of feeling unloved and uncherished, I am apathetic, I cant get on with college work, I feel unattractive, I hide in the house, I am pretty depressed (hence forcing myself to sign up for these activities) and I am tired of being alone.
Ali, I do so relate to this. It is how I felt last Aug/ September time. The thing that really helped me was to start doing more activities, like choir etc. Something that takes all your attention. It helps if you go with someone too I found, then you stick at it more. You have loads to offer the world, don't deprive it of you.
You've identified a pattern
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I stirs me up to get emails/phonecalls from him and have NO IDEA why, or whats going on his head/life and then I crash again afterwards.
Now is the time to break it and say, this time it is not going to happen this way - you will so much better for it and you can do it. Accept that you are not going to have any idea what is going on in his head for a long while and as Lisa said, get on with your picnic in the meantime. You and I had the discussion about dwelling the other day, you know I am guilty of it too. I find a good technique is to allow myself an allotted time to dwell and then say, right i am going to do something else now.
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I am still hoping he will reply to my email or maybe give me a ring sometime though, as despite it all, I still miss him and his friendship
Of course you do, it is natural as he was a big part of your life for so long. I suppose it doesn't help that he throws you 'bones' every now and then - I suppose I am grateful to my h for being so consistantly clear in his rejection . He is working through his own thing, don't let him drag you into it.
Excercise will really help with feeling depressed and unattractive, it releases feel good endorphins.
. He is working through his own thing, don't let him drag you into it.