Today I have an appt to get my haircut!!! Quite awhile ago I had it cut and I've felt like someone played a cruel joke on me. It turned out alot like OW's hair. People (those that know her) noticed because I don't think one person said "hey, you got your hair cut" or anything. They probably thought I'd really lost my mind. And my D says I look like Joe Dirt.
On to better things...
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
LWB and MWG(and Bill too) made some valid points....my .02 is you need your "fix" as bad as he needs his. you are maybe figuring out if you keep your mouth shut you will get your fix more often than if you berate him. Its a roller coaster ride you seem unable or unwilling to get off.
Alot of us think you try to convince your self you are detaching, by saying you did or didnt do something..like an addict convinces themselves they dont have an abuse problem with what ever. Sweets what you are doing is not detaching, it has yet to be real detachment in that you still "need" your fix.
when you try to go a few days, you are on the floor moaning in withdrawals of how he doesnt care etc, your M is over etc. When you get your fix you proclaim that you are detaching, doing things for yourself, and making plans. we would like to see you make some headway in this direction not triggered by contact with him.
Everyone here pretty much feels after almost 2 yrs you should be able to detach more than you are. Look at BND and YR, their M/R have worked out they did by detatching and getting their own "houses" in order.
Mine is on its way back to being to being a success story. (I let my H back too soon) but I will promise you this , he didnt turn his boat around until he saw real changes in me and that I had truely detached and was putting my life back together w/o him. We had been to court once as he filed for D. It hurt so bad and was the worst day of my life but i was going to move on. Was the door going to be open.....well if he was going to come all the way to FL to peek in ...Just maybe...or not. I hurt but step by step sometimes only up on my knees i was making progress.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
What the hell an2m? Nothing like kicking someone off the ladder!?!?
Your wrong. Period. Maybe back a couple months and before, maybe then I'd agree. But today your wrong.
I am FINALLY moving towards where I need to be and instead of you encouraging or supporting you do just the opposite. I don't get you.
It really doesn't matter what you think or believe. I know how I feel, you somehow think you know me and you really don't have a clue. How I feel today, for the first time in 19months, has nothing to do with H other than he put me here.
Never mind, I don't need to defend myself or prove anything to you.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
You are learning some new ways to interact with H from some really wonderful people... But you need to keep moving in a direction that is benefical to you and what is best for you. You go through alittle detachemnt then fall back a step move beyond that second step...keep moving forward it's hard we all have been there...there if's,shoulds etc... do not lament on them.. refocus your energy to yourself... I am a hairdresser hope you got a awesome cut...your own this time.. ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
I dont think Im the only one that sees this cycle....i looked baback over my post I diidnt see anything offensive...I thought I just pointed some observations out to you and shared my story....I guess you dont want or need my help as I guess I tell it as I see it. I did say it was my .02. Go back over your posts and read them I am sad to think I dont see this being any dif for you a year from now. Good luck, this is the 3rd or 4th time you have told me to get lost...this I really tried to be kind and point out stuff to you. I try to get you to stop and and take a deep look at you. I guess you really dont like the way i say things even when Im nice.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
TOH, I'm glad to see that you did something for yourself. A haircut will always give you a little pick me up. What do you care if it is similiar to the ow's? You can always change the color or change it up a bit. I wouldn't worry one fig about what others thought about it. You had it cut for YOU...not them.
Detaching takes time and each person moves at their own pace. Sometimes it takes longer to understand what you need to do, but you're slowly getting there.
What are you planning to do today?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
sorry Snodderly, I missed your post this morning. I really didn't have any plans. Went to work. Glad it is Friday. N15 went and stayed with a friend and D17 worked tonight and probably going out afterwards. I came home, did some stuff around the house. Talked to my mom for a bit on the phone. Watched a good movie and now thought I'd check in here.
Tomorrow I will sit and paint, catch up on laundry and then who knows...
Have a great weekend. TOH
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
TOH, Sounds like you've got some things planned for today. This is a good start and they should keep you busy for a bit. As time goes on, you'll be able to find many things to do and eventually the thinking you've been doing about your h will be sidelined. It happens, but it takes time.
Enjoy the weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Seems like afternoon though, I FINALLY slept in till 8 am. Seems like since this has all started I am awake EVERY morning by 5am. And for the first time, my first thought was not of H. Went out and plugged in the tractor, going to see if I can push snow today. Good day to try it, it's not too bad out and the wind is not blowing.
Didn't do much of anything this weekend. Kind of relaxing. Spent time with the girls (D17 mad as heck that the weather didn't allow her to go out last night and of course it was all my fault) watched movies, made homemade pizza last night, worked on e-bay stuff, had my BIL fix my car yesterday, and did some things around the house. All in all it was a good weekend.
I guess with H, we have gone dark. Not what I had intended, but what is. I have not really seen or talked to him for 2 weeks. When he comes here, he does it when I am gone or does not come in or if he does it's for about 5 min. Mostly comes when I am gone. He evidently found out I was going to BIL's yesterday to fix my car. I was on my way into town and I met him going to the farm. He didn't even wave. I needed his checks/deposits so I did call him. He answered "Yea". I said "Hi, are you going to the farm?" he said "yea" I said "okay will you leave a list of your checks and deposit?" he said "yea" I said "okay thank you" he said "yep". And we hung up. So in a nut shell we are not even friends anymore, there really seems as though there is nothing left. Well except for a piece of paper that says we are still H and W. That means absolutely nothing to my H.
I don't know if I am "detached" or "moving on" or what you want to call it. I still hurt, I still wonder, I still feel somewhat stuck and paralyzed, but I feel more "okay". More like I am accepting what is. I think of him alot but I am no longer letting those thoughts control me or drag me down. I am finding hope in myself that things will work out one way or another. More now without H in my life. I will find my way out of this mess. I find myself thinking more now days that I don't know if I want to R with my H. I know that I don't the way he is now. I am losing my faith in him that he will ever come out of this. That he will ever be again a man that I want to spend my life with. I guess starting to see true colors of him and his family. Starting to think maybe I am missing nothing. Maybe thats not a life I want anymore. I am letting myself remember how it felt to be second best to a beer can, or his family, or his job. The only time I felt like I was first in my H life was in the very beginning and it didn't last long.
I am thinking I wanted a man to love me unconditionally, whole heartedly like I love, to share with me the good and the bad. I always believed that was my H. Then when things got tough he ran. He is weak, he doesn't know how to love, it was always with conditions, he can't tell me how he feels, he can't deal with the stresses of children and bills. I don't know who he is anymore. Don't know if I want to.
Oh enough! I am just rambling. Sorry. I've got stuff to do, so better get doing. Have a great Sunday! TOH
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
The part of the cooking process that makes me a mean pot of chili is the stewing.
It's not cutting the vegetables, browning the meat, mixing the seasonings. I mean, these are all essential parts too.
But it's that hour or so of simmering...that's what makes my chili good. That's when the flavors blend, making something far better than the sum of the parts I put into it.
Ever notice how a good pot of soup or chili is even better the second and third times you heat it up?
The simmering is when it all comes together.
You don't have to do a thing.
Let him simmer.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Quite awhile ago I had it cut and I've felt like someone played a cruel joke on me. It turned out alot like OW's hair. People (those that know her) noticed because I don't think one person said "hey, you got your hair cut" or anything. They probably thought I'd really lost my mind. And my D says I look like Joe Dirt.