Because I dont want to let go of my "family". Because I fought so damn hard for a year and it makes me feel hollow to give up now. Because I am afraid that raising the kids outside of a family will mean financial struggle, insecurity, lonely nights and I will not make it to the end. Because I am scared I am dreaming of non realistic situations and relationships meaning: can any marriage be what I want? Am I a dreamer? An immature girl not facing reality? Because at nights, when I see bad dreams, I feel like I am a 6 yrs old, never an adult, I need someone, anyone, to just "be there" even if that is not true, even if that is just an idea I carefully maintain alive.
This.... Is what I have been seeing in your posts. I see the semblances of a woman who is trying to hold it all together for very very good reasons, however not the reasons that will lead her to live a fulfilled and happy life.
If you have to move forward in your life knowing that you will never be completely sure and knowing that you are not living to the fullest, then what exactly gives you the incentive to move forward.
The unfortunate part about going through this shitt is that in the end we also have our eyes opened and sometimes we do not like what we see. We realize that our partners were not who we always dreamed they would be and that maybe we should have seen this long ago before starting a family and building our lives.
You see Maria, I am a hugs supporter of saving marriages. However, I believe that the marriages have to be something that we want and something we believe will fulfill us spiritually and emotionally. The success rates around here are not great, that has nothing to do with Michelle's direction. Her direction is great, but it is great for two people who truly belong together. Sometimes the rude awakening that we have tells us in our souls that we will never be fulfilled in this relationship.
As unpopular as this will sound, You are the only one that can decide what to do here Maria. But I implore you not to hang on for all the wrong reasons. Fear and insecurity are not the appropriate reasons to hang on longer than you should. You keep working with that IC, have your IC help you discover what you already know in your heart and have him/her help you figure out how to get your head and heart to agree.
How about a couple of quotes to get you thinking here:
Quote:
Pythagoras, If you have a wounded heart, touch it as little as you would an injured eye. There are only two remedies for the suffering of the soul: hope and patience
Quote:
Epicurus, If you live according to nature, you will never be poor; but if according to opinions, you will never be rich. Nature demands little, opinion a great deal.
and last but certainly not least...
Quote:
It is not living that matters, but living rightly. Socrates
