Ego and pride are the barriers on both your parts. Trust me, If we could all learn to get over ourselves life would be a bit easier. Take some time to cool off.
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Even if there were hope in my mind, I know my W and forgiveness is not something she's good at. She won't forgive the way I reacted to her last night. And I don't know that I can ever trust her either.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know you are having a tough time. Try to hang in there. There are a lot of bumps in the road that we have to get through. You need to get some time to yourself and regroup. Keep posting. Do whatever you have to do to keep to yourself for now.
Even if there were hope in my mind, I know my W and forgiveness is not something she's good at. She won't forgive the way I reacted to her last night.
I think she should be asking you for forgiveness. What she did was inexcusable in my mind. She is messed up. I think your reaction was probably what most of us would have done. I don't think you should even worry about her forgiving you. You shouldn't be asking for her forgiveness!!!
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And I don't know that I can ever trust her either.
From what you've said, you shouldn't trust her at this point.
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My plan is to have NC. She's moving out at the end of the month and I'm just planning on having nothing to do w/her.
I think that's a good plan. I mean either she's going to continue in her messed-up way having As and you wouldn't want her then. If at some point she comes to her senses, begs your forgiveness and is willing to work on your R then you could always change your mind at that time. I think that could happen and if you don't NC now, you will be too hurt and have gone through too much pain to ever really forgive and work on your R again.
So NC, DB, GAL, all that good stuff. Keep posting here; a lot of us have been through this. I went through that awful dark period about a year ago now, and it gets so much better. You'll get stronger and happier and healthier if you detach and focus on yourself rather than your W. Karen
Sounds like a MLC to me. She's trying to reclaim a part of her life that she may have felt that she missed out on. I think my W is a little of that too.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thank you all. This morning she called me and apologized for talking to the most recent OM. I told her that it would be all or nothing for me; that I won't be just her friend, she's either my W or not. She has to make a decision. She said she would stop talking to OM, but that for now all she could offer me was her friendship. I said I loved her far more than that, and while it would hurt me tremendously to lose her friendship, that pain would be less than having her in my life as just a friend. I am making her choose. Later I get a call from her, but she didn't mean to call (her phone accidentally dialed), so I listen in, and I can hear her talking to her friend about the OM, and how she had talked to him last night, and how she didn't want to get physical with him yet, and blah blah blah. She is such a liar and so manipulative, and yet I keep buying her crap! I just don't know what my problem is. Why do I constantly keep believing her BS?? I'm making her make a final decision tonight and I hope I won't go back on my word...
Thank you all. This morning she called me and apologized for talking to the most recent OM. I told her that it would be all or nothing for me; that I won't be just her friend, she's either my W or not. She has to make a decision. She said she would stop talking to OM, but that for now all she could offer me was her friendship. I said I loved her far more than that, and while it would hurt me tremendously to lose her friendship, that pain would be less than having her in my life as just a friend. I am making her choose. Later I get a call from her, but she didn't mean to call (her phone accidentally dialed), so I listen in, and I can hear her talking to her friend about the OM, and how she had talked to him last night, and how she didn't want to get physical with him yet, and blah blah blah. She is such a liar and so manipulative, and yet I keep buying her crap! I just don't know what my problem is. Why do I constantly keep believing her BS?? I'm making her make a final decision tonight and I hope I won't go back on my word...
Call her back and tell her that she accidently gave her a call at such and such time and tell her that you heard part of her conversation. Get it out there so you can deal with it!! Just a thought!!
I am so sorry that you are having such a rough week. I can feel your hurt and frustration. I wish I knew what to say to take it away, but I know from experience that you just have to work through it. You will come out better and stronger, of this I have faith.
I think that boundaries are important and will save your sanity. Remember, the OM is not about you. I agree with ILF, I would let W know that you heard the convo. Everytime I let H know that I know he is lying, the guilt closes is and he learns that he can't get away with this without consequences.
You need to do things for you and detach from W. Protect D from this behavior, play with her, bond with her, and take care of yourself.
I have faith that we will all come out of this stronger and ultimately happier. God Bless!
K
p.s. I am no longer posting on this thread, so please come see me on my link in Newcomers. I very much appreciate your support and advise.
Thank you. I was wondering what happened to your thread. I've sort of been MIA myself; I no longer use the home computer b/c I don't want my W knowing about this site, so my time here has decreased a bit. My W does not have the same reaction as your H does. I confronted her about the cell conversation that I overheard, and her response was "maybe if I would stop snooping I wouldn't hear things I didn't want to hear." And then she even denied saying the most egregious things that I heard w/my own ears. She's simply unrepentant. Yesterday I came home and told her that I hated what she was doing to our family, I hated the decisions she was making, and that this is not what I want and that she is destroying our family and I absolutely hate it. I followed that up by saying I'm not starting a fight or argument, but I just want her to know how I feel. Her response to that was that she was going to go get her nails done. She went out later that night and didn't come home till about 1 am. Said she was with a girlfriend, but I know better. I didn't ask. It doesn't matter b/c she doesn't care. I'm just stuck in this awful place and I hate it. I hate my life right now. I have this huge hole in my heart and I can't seem to fill it, and all the while she is filling it w/very shallow things. I bought my own car the other day, but now I just found out that I need her to sign on the docs. Also, she can't get approved for an apartment on her own, so if she signs for my car I'm probably going to have to return the favor. I don't want bad things for her, but I do want her to reap what she sows in this. If she doesn't, she'll never really see what she's done and she won't repent before God. Anyhow, I keep praying and reading and trying to figure out what God's plan for me is in all of this.
