Stepping out and Stepping UP!

[cagzmom]

So my thread locked..took awhile this time but its done.

New thought..yes stepping out. Out from being the victim and being a survivor. out from pain. out from lies and deciet.

stepping up? UP to the challenge. This isn't easy people. NOT AT ALL. to move up and out means to not wallow, means to grow, means to take care of me. Means to learn to grow as a woman while still being a mom. Means to learn to be selfish without being self centered. THAT is a tough one. At least for me... I would rather focus 10000% on my kids- their needs, desires etc. So in this new challenge I have to learn to take care of me BUT NOT at their expense.

New things this year for me.

I am 2 years post bomb.

Some days that seems so far away and then others...seems like it all just happened. I have done what I was suppose to...gotten a life, moved forward, gotten counseling for the broken little person I was. I have gotten (GOD GAVE ME) a fantastic job, I found an apartment that supplies our needs, I have taken care of the car, and continued to do many things I always did. And I have only been legally divorced since July.

What does it all mean? Really nothing....it just SHOWS that time goes forward whether we do or not.

This step of asking Child Support Recovery for help is the BIGGEST step for ME that I have made. I gave x a chance....even lowered (verbally) what he could give me as long as he would. WELL NOW he has slapped me in teh face. 2 months zero support...before that well below what was required. NO MORE. I told him this past week I was doen talking to him about money....I really am.

it is hard to take this step because it is stepping back and saying NO to someone you never say no to. I would appreciate prayers-- however God leads you to pray. He won't be happy about this. He will know nothing for awhile. The official papers dont happen till the 20th..then I dont know what happens.... I however will be doing nothing....just waiting.

So new start for me. And for those of you lurking and wondering does she still want her marriage restored...the answer is YES!!! HOWEVER I HAVE LEARNED that wanting your major restored does NOT allow that mlc'r to walk on you, disrespect you and not follow through with his financial obligations.

and yes pam....i feel as though I rambled yet again!! Tee hee..