The big thing would be him trying to get a new job. Why on God's Green Earth would he even be thinking such a thing in this job market. He is clearly an idiot. Plus he wanting them to spend a week night and living another 40 minutes away.
All I know is one who thinks with the head in his pants is one sorry SOB or POS (I can't quite decide...maybe both!!)
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Just a thought: I have taken a stance to never (again) refer to an adulterer as an SOB or a b*tch. It would be insulting to dogs, and I love dogs -- dog's are loyal!
let it go. it isn't worth thinking about. concentrate on yourself and leave him behind. Don't keep dragging him into the present, okay? All it does is prolong the bitterness. In the long run, he isn't worth the energy. You are. So focus on that and just let whatever he does slip away.
I guess I say that because concentrating on the hurt I felt was why I needed to leave the boards. On here, I kept writing about it and thinking about it. I still have that hurt, but I was tired of dwelling on it and thinking of XW and what XW had done and what XW was doing and what XW hadn't done. Not to say I've gotten past that - I haven't. But I want to be past it, and I bet you do too. So let it go.
My $.02. Sorry if I misunderstood - haven't been on for awhile. lodo
I don't think much about what he/they do. At least not on a daily basis. It is when the kids are drug into the mess that I get upset. I don't think I am supposed to know about it. That is fine. Where that does effect me once again is with my kids and then the financial pocket.
He takes the boys to school each morning because the girls bus comes around the time D16 would need to be walking into school. Once he get his DL, hopefully this Spring, that won't be an issue. If H however changes jobs and takes a lower paying one, I fear they will try to adjust the money again and I will be put in a worse situation again.
I know I can't worry about what ifs, but the choices he makes effect me and the kids even now. I have dropped the rope, don't care if he found out the world was really flat and fell off, I just don't want to keep having a cause and effect type relationship with him in anyway.
This is how it is. I guess this is the type of thing that will be in my life until they are all 18 in 10 years. I appreciate your thoughts lodo, just trying to clarify why it matters.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I'd be upset too. Wouldn't his taking a lower-paying job affect both you and your kids in a negative way? The good news is I think it might be tougher than he thinks nowadays to find a lower-paying job. There aren't that many jobs, and they are paying very little too with lots of competition for those (at least in my state). Also, if he did that wouldn't he also be impacted negatively also; I mean broke or close to broke? I mean he doesn't have that much money now does he and he would have less then too? I don't get that... Karen
I don't know if he would intentionally try to find a lower paying job but he may take one just so he could live with skank. I don't know how that changes financially for me. He has already filed bankruptcy and it will take several years for him to pay off as much as they have set up for him.
Now I got something from some lawyers in St Louis about the mortgage and they are wanting money too. Who the h#ll are they and why do I need to pay them since I am paying my mortgage?? Another thing to bring up with B L, hopefully tomorrow. God please get me through this as soon as possible, I am getting worn out. I could maybe even drink a foo foo drink...I almost said beer and then thought yuck!!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
i tell you this stuff is never ending! D10 and D8 and S16 all did really well in school. S13 not so much. Ex contacted the school and called me all a fire. This is all sons responsibility he says. Have I been doing this and this and this? Well I didn't take that well and went a bit in to forbidden territory.
I told him I am doing the best I can. I do see him doing homework but I also know he is doing better emotionally then say last spring. His grades don't reflect that. Lots of missing assignments. He has already been sick 3 or 4 times this past semester and my guess is that he isn't making up the work. I am helping the girls with homework and S16 too. S13 rarely asks for help. I do ask him if he has his homework done and he usually says he doesn't have any.
I know he can do better but I felt as if he was blaming me for his poor grades. I said everything effects everything else. He got snotty and said so you are blaming me! I said no but you help contribute to the situation just like I do. (Because he did sort of blame me). I told him I would take care of it.
My boss really doesn't want him calling just for this reason, it upsets me. I went to lunch and TM to ex that I am sorry, I didn't handle that well, lot's of stress. Should have asked how do you think we can deal with his issues.
He replied Thanks, I will get you a copy of what the school sent. him take any blame of course not, he is Mr Perfect. UUURRRRGGGHHH
Kat
hould have asked how do you think we can deal with his issues.
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Kat, I think you did fine. I don't know that you should have apologized even, but I like the way you opened it up for discussion. I just think how can people that parent half a day or one day a week criticize the parent that does basically all the work all week!!!! It's so frustrating!!!
I don't think either parent should blame the other, I think you're right that it's a lot of things, like being a teen maybe, but yeah, dealing with his dad's stuff is probably a factor. But going into that doesn't help I guess.
I wanted to share a book I'm reading with you if you're interested. I'm almost done with it and it's really good. I got it b/c I liked the title: Joint Custody with a Jerk but honestly it's a good book. It talks about how you have to figure out if a problem is yours, your child's, or your ex's. And then it tells you what to do depending on which it is. It's been a cool book for me. Karen
