I've started reading through your thread. Not sure I'm going to be able to really follow it completely. I guess I'm coming in way late. But from what I've seen thus far, it sounds like maybe I have quite a bit in common with your husband. I don't know if you want the feedback from a man who didn't really understand what was going on in his marriage until way too late. (Well, I hope it's not "too late.") I was involved in many activities outside the home. I took my family for granted. And in return my family took me for granted. Eventually we just sort of drifted apart. We did very little together. It took a lot for me to see the light. And by no means was I alone in not taking care of the marriage. My wife was equally to blame. We did a horrible job of communicating our needs and expectations. (Ironically, I have a master's degree in English and my wife has a master's in education, and WE did a terrible job of communicating.)
For me, it wasn't until my wife insisted on a separation that I really started to understand what was going on. Until then I didn't understand my own responsibility in the failure of our marriage. Without the separation would I have ever really understood my contribution to the marriage's failure? Maybe not. So I guess I'm saying it sometimes takes a major event to make a husband wake up from his self-involved funk and see how his behavior is problematic.
Okay, so I'm writing this to you without having read your entire thread. I have no idea how long that is going to take me. Maybe what I'm telling you now is irrelevant. Maybe you're way past what I'm writing about. Maybe you've already kicked out your husband (not that I'm necessarily advocating that) and I haven't got to that part yet.
I'm sorry. Give me some time and I'll get through more of your thread so maybe I'll have something relevant to say.
me: 50 w (waw): 45 daughter: 9 m: 16 t: 19 bomb: 9/26/08 status: physical separation for 7 weeks, then work-in-progress R
