WAW - Possible MLC I need help, WAWs advice IV

[25yearsmlc]

YOU WROTE, in parts, the following :

Forgiveness, well, I know I need to forgive,I know that, but I can't until I am over it. Rage is going to turn this around for me by not letting my emotions control my feelings or my life, for a time. It is already working. I may have the solution to my D17 school and I do not plan on calling W tomorrow about car ins, she doesn't have it. I would have called just to rub it in hoping she would break, or just to see if she was miserable knowing her car got repo'd. My rage won't let me.

I love my wife, woukld love her to love me, for us to be together and spend the rest of our lives in marital bliss. In her eyes and her min right now, it is never going to happen at any level or point in time. As you posted in gilda radners book, you can either accept it or let it worry you to death. My rage is the only emotion I have that will accept it. I am not mad at my W, I am angry, Rage is bad, very bad, but I have learned early in my life totake all the anger and pain and sorrow that builds into me and change things to my advantage, to make me better, without holding onto emotional baggage or concerns about what other people thnk or say. I will not die in here, I will live. My rage is what will save me, my anger and pain will bring me to my goals of happiness and peace. trust me.

Sorry if this confuses the heck out of me. But I think we use the word RAGE here quite differently. Your fury, or whatever it is, does not sound like love or the road to forgiveness. Either use a new word or face the fact that you sound incredibly confused and not at all clear. I'm a bit of a wordsmith, if I say so myself. And you are one confused guy. Which is understandable. But be careful with your children's hearts. The thing they need from you most now is stability and love. THEIR needs emotionally must come first. That is the one guiding principle God told me clearly the whole time. WHen you pray for guidance, that part should be clear.
hope it is. Forget about your w and om for now. They're in the Australian bush and you can't reach them AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU SEE HIS TRUCK...that's not the point of the analogy...

Lose the anger and start healing...I think what you may be trying to say is that anger is what is allowing you to start to detach, finally. I hope so. Otherwise I worry if you own guns and I'm a big 2nd amendment type, fyi.
(( j ))