I remember the days when I used to read a long list of do's and don'ts like: "don't believe ANYTHING they say and 50% of what they do". We've come a long way from there haven't we, John?
My PC is stuffed with a virus which I am trying to fix, I'm no IT specialist but I think I can get it sorted . I've quickly jumped on the computer at my sisters to give a little update.
I've signed up for my 10k run which takes place in May so my training starts now, well... lets say next week.
I bumped into one of my GAL pals from last year, I have talked him into doing the 10K run as well and he has talked me into going out for a blast for his birthday at the end of the month (fair swap).
I'm well on my way to catching up with old friends, in fact some one contacted me out of the blue on an old school reunion network site, so thats an additional person to my list.
My little SAT Nav project is still on course, I have been out bid on a couple, but I have a bid pending on one more. This project is basically buying a low grade SAT Nav and upgrading the software to get it to perform like one with a top spec.
I could say loads about W but I'll keep it short, and this is my opinion not a fact. I think she is still holding on to a lot of guilt for her past escapades and it manafestests it self as her lashing out at me verbally or deliberatly starting arguments. Theres not much I can do about that until she sorts herself out, so I'll leave it there for now
Tomorrow we are having Sunday dinner with MIL & FIL plus SIL & BIL, theres loads of family dynamics around this, kinda good vs bad, needless to say I'll be doing a bit less talking and a lot more listening.
All sounds a bit crazy there bruv and as someone pointed out, and I think I have mentioned before, you are one patient man my friend.
Definately do the GAL ing going on. Even get dressed and say your going for a couple of beers with a work colleague and go to a bar for a couple of hours or something. Gets you out the mess sometimes and you can always meet people doing that. Take a book if need be or if a laptp and they have Wi Fi, do that.
I think you may be right re why your W is lashing out, but it doesn't matter. For me tho, you need to keep away to avoid that lashing out where poss.
I kinda familiar with the practices of just getting dressed up and going out, I've done plenty of that in the past. As I mentioned I've got plenty of GAL activities in the pipeline, so it keeps me from the crazy, keeps me from the drama and it helps to keep my mind focussed.
Don't forget to show your w some love and affection, even when's she's being difficult. Maybe she's feeling bad about herself and unconsciously testing you to see if you really want to stay with her? Just a guess.
Don't forget to show your w some love and affection, even when's she's being difficult. Maybe she's feeling bad about herself and unconsciously testing you to see if you really want to stay with her? Just a guess.
good shout. I like that thinking, test and see Lan
You may have something there, but I think it's me who has been doing a bit of testing.
Since the start of the year when W got us off to a bad start and we didn't talk for a week, I have backed right off, given her space and gone about doing things for me, and looking after myself. Well today W called me at work and asked me why I was spending so much time on the computer in the evenings and why I wasn't going to bed at the same time as her. Well I explained that I was fixing the computer of this virus (finally clean now)but I was also giving her space in the house, and anyway when we go to bed together she just falls asleep and I usually get up again and go on the computer.
W pointed out to me that the 3 of us (D7 included ) were in danger of going our separate ways in the house and we should do more things together in the evenings. She also said that we both know when bed time is so there should not be any discussion we should just go to bed together. Well she is right there. But I know I have been called a very patient guy on these boards, but over these last few weeks I have been thinking of giving up, maybe W has been picking up on this.
Anyway I take W's comments as a small positive step forwards, even though she did fall asleep as soon as we got in bed together tonight.
Hi there Lan - that sounds proactive on your W's part - it stands out cos mostly she seems pretty passive - or at least that's how she comes over in your thread...
Has your consideration of "giving up" manifested itself in any obvious changes in your attitude / demeanour do you think?
What would happen to make you get to that point?
KBO - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
I'm not sure of your definition of passive cos my wife is certainly not passive. Agressive, ignorant, selfish, belidgerant, maybe, ... but not passive.
I think the situation we have is W doesn't want to acknowledge any wrong doing, doesn't want to discuss anything remotely related to us and the R, she has stepped back in as if nothing has happened and thats how she wants to keep it. I'm not chasing for any answers either. I've just taken a step back and started observing.
As I mention before I have stopped persuing W, if she want a goodbye kiss, I give it, if she wants a hug I give it but I don't go chasing it. I also stopped pouncing on her at bed times, I did this purposely to see what would happen, The results are interesting.
What would it take for me to really give up ?, more money and no D7, I've got no money and a deep love for my daughter so I can't give up. I've thought of many different scenarios, I've thoought if some one game me a definate out I'd take it but it all come back to not doing anything to hurt D7.
So I'm battling throught this currret low and really trying to find a new level for my relationship with W.
We'll see what happens
Lanzo
PS
I'm logging off for now as W has asked me to stop spending too much time on the computer, but I'll probably be back in a couple of hours when she falls asleep.
