Wanted to start by posting the last post from my old thread since I don't know how to link them:
K I agree this is the last attempt at figuring us out. And I think we have a 50/50 shot at best given his attitudes and previous behaviors. But I know that this is the only real chance we have. For him to step away and see things from a distance. And for him to get some help and support from an outside source (counseling).
I told him in the car last night that the way we were interacting under the same roof right now would guarantee we got a divorce b/c we kept cycling through the same crap. He agreed that it was hurting us more to live together than it prob. will to live apart.
Still hurts but I know it is true.
And I am slightly encouraged by talking to the counselor at school today.
He said that from my brief description of how the past year has gone, the fact that H said what he did in the car last night (he is glad I got to stay home with the kids, his life/career decisions were his decisions and he shouldn't blame me, etc),and that he is going to a counselor, to him that showed that things are turning a corner.
So that's nice. I think one way or another this is going to be the last time H leaves our home. Either he will never come back or he will one day come back and never leave again. If that option should ever arise don't worry this time I will stick to my 'demands' because I do not deserve to settle after all this hard work and sacrifice.... _________________________
Not much has happened since this post. We talked some last night about what to say to the kids. I was calm and controlled most of the time. H did tear up when I was going over what specifically to say to the kids.
When H was putting the kids to bed (it was his turn) D started crying that she wanted her mommy. Well that is a sign of things to come and I am sure he knows that. Kids want the parent that they don't have at any particular moment so we will both be hearing that in the months to come...
We actually talked very well last night. There was no fighting at all. In fact I couldn't find our 2007 tax return which H needs to close on his new house. Typically when some kind of paperwork is missing H goes apesh!t mad at me. This time he could tell I was tensing in anticipation of that and he said "Relax I am not blaming you we will find it".
The only non-DB thing I probably said last night was when talking about what to tell the kids.
I was saying "We should just tell them that mommy and daddy cannot get along together and we need to have a break from each other, just like when you and your friends at school are fighting at center time and the teacher tells you to go play somewhere else for awhile and settle down."
Then I said something like "You know, because clearly tonight we are having such a hard time getting along..." because we totally weren't which is why this is so ridiculous... I could tell he knew exactly what I meant because he did this thing with tears in his eyes and he shrugged and shook his head like he couldn't really grasp it either.
Anyway we moved right on to talking about something else. He headed out around 10:45 so he could go to bed but said he was coming over this evening. We aren't doing anything major until after Nathan tests for his orange belt tomorrow night.
I could tell he knew exactly what I meant because he did this thing with tears in his eyes and he shrugged and shook his head like he couldn't really grasp it either.
