well... I hit send again. It was neutral, jokey. I answered him about the tenant stuff (it wasnt an excuse to email me, he could have got the info from the letting agent). He will get it before he leaves work.
So I was a bit down about Cher binning me for band night.. she has messages on her wall on FB arranging to go with other girls (old friends) but she told me yesterday that she wasnt going to bother going! she also said yesterday that she didnt know if her fiance and my ex were still meeting tonight. So, not sure how to take that, it cant be why she hasnt invited me (in case its awkward). Perhaps ex was actually bringing Helen along. Perhaps she#s gone off me!! She did text me Saturday and met me and my sister all afternoon, her idea and was emailing me this week. BUt I guess she didnt want me there for some reason.
I was a bit hurt and embarressed she lied though, I'm a bit vunerable to rejection stuff still.
I've realised that I CANT be friends with him. It was hard enough before, when he was contacting me alot, but I was trying to win him back. I kept accepting contact from him after I found out about Helen, hoping it was just a fling.. but.. if he is staying with her, I am not sure I can do it. It hurts too much!
I'll wait and see how things shake out between now and mid Feb.. seeing as we are in Mercury R in his oppositie sign plus two eclipses, one on my Venus and one on his Leo sun...
I saw B21 at college today..I made him (and BMF) laugh the WHOLE time! I was just in one of those moods...
PS: btw Mish ...you should do yoga, it was amazing! I can see why T raves about it.
So..I am going sailing on Saturday !! I joined up today and it was only �5, bargain! I am crew and its going to be me and ...five blokes !!! Result Seriously, I am the only girl.
They are probably all 20-25 though. The weather is going to be terrible, so I hope I survive!
I am so excited to hear about all of your activities!! I am even more impressed when you said you hadn't exercised in 20 years. I had no idea this was such a big 180 for you!
I'm glad to hear about these microshifts in communication with BF.
Hi girls.. well, I signed up for yoga and pilates years ago but only went a few times and went for the odd swim over the years, but apart from that and those bike rides with the ex last summer, thats it!
No email from Cher after last night, which is a shame and I'm too nervous to contact her, after her changing her invite for me to go. No email from him either today so far...
I read Kalni's post and it really touched me, as thats how I feel, different journey, same destination. I am so tired of feeling unloved and uncherished, I am apathetic, I cant get on with college work, I feel unattractive, I hide in the house, I am pretty depressed (hence forcing myself to sign up for these activities) and I am tired of being alone. His rejection of me feels like it was twice...and thats really got to me.
I stirs me up to get emails/phonecalls from him and have NO IDEA why, or whats going on his head/life and then I crash again afterwards. I want to be able to see him, to ask him a year on, this time calmly, why did you leave me? And be able to say goodbye to him and have some closure. Think that will be a while yet.
It could be a long time before he contacts you again. It does sound like you are working very hard not to initiate contact. Somehow that feels like a good choice for you right now.
I am so tired of feeling unloved and uncherished, I am apathetic, I cant get on with college work, I feel unattractive, I hide in the house, I am pretty depressed (hence forcing myself to sign up for these activities) and I am tired of being alone.
Ali, I do so relate to this. It is how I felt last Aug/ September time. The thing that really helped me was to start doing more activities, like choir etc. Something that takes all your attention. It helps if you go with someone too I found, then you stick at it more. You have loads to offer the world, don't deprive it of you.
You've identified a pattern
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I stirs me up to get emails/phonecalls from him and have NO IDEA why, or whats going on his head/life and then I crash again afterwards.
Now is the time to break it and say, this time it is not going to happen this way - you will so much better for it and you can do it. Accept that you are not going to have any idea what is going on in his head for a long while and as Lisa said, get on with your picnic in the meantime. You and I had the discussion about dwelling the other day, you know I am guilty of it too. I find a good technique is to allow myself an allotted time to dwell and then say, right i am going to do something else now.
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I am still hoping he will reply to my email or maybe give me a ring sometime though, as despite it all, I still miss him and his friendship
Of course you do, it is natural as he was a big part of your life for so long. I suppose it doesn't help that he throws you 'bones' every now and then - I suppose I am grateful to my h for being so consistantly clear in his rejection . He is working through his own thing, don't let him drag you into it.
Excercise will really help with feeling depressed and unattractive, it releases feel good endorphins.
Seriously, I am the only girl. 
Good for you!