I have written many letters that were never given to her. I started writing a little over a year ago and a lot of them were very mean. Again, they were more for me to get my thoughts out on paper. I can go back and read these and see how angry I was back then. It is very therapeutic to write out your feelings like that.
We did sit and talk for a time after I read it to her. She has the letter now and I'm hoping that she will read it a few times on her own. The response from her yesterday was not new, the same old "I don't know why I'm not wanting this as much as you do."
I did mention the feeling that our love is more like brother/sister than husband/wife. This is the first time I think I have said this to her and she didn't understand what I meant. I went on to say that what makes a marriage is that special bond that a physical relationship and intimacy form. I don't think we have that any longer, without it we are like brother & sister. People marry that one person that they want to really get close to, that's why I got married. I miss that closeness and want to feel it again.
The thing that sticks in my mind too was when we talked about kissing. I love to kiss, any form of kissing. She does not like kissing... at least not any more. I found out why too. "It's so in your face. I feel like someone is invading my space." DUH! How do you kiss without having your faces together? Isn't that the idea? To get close to your sweetheart?
Also, "It's so slobbery and wet." Uhhhh.... only a quick peck is gonna be dry. I have no idea how to kiss with passion and not be at least a little wet.
It's not like I am a bad kisser either. I have had many complements from the past about being a nice kisser. I miss kissing more than any other part of our lack of intimacy. A nice one minute goodnight necking would satisfy me each and every night. It never happens though.
