this is my first post but I have to address the concept that stress makes most men lose their libido. I'm a stay-at-home mom and my husband has an extremely high stress job that keeps him working approx 100 hrs per week minimum. He goes without sleep many nights and has the gift of falling asleep anywhere for a few minutes, which keeps him going. He's extremely successful and finds his identity through his career, which he didn't have when we got married, and I had no clue he would go in this direction. We've been married 14 yrs, have 3 kids, all boys, ages 8 and 5 yr old twins (that was fun) thru caesarean section, which means I have a scar. I had breast cancer and a complete hysterectomy after the twins were born. Lumpectomy, but now I have a funny left breast. Supposedly I'm cured, but have to take pills to keep it from coming back. I am athletic & take care of my appearance. My husband has not responded to any of my attempts to have sex. He is not affectionate but doesn't get upset if I kiss him on the cheek. I have tried almost everything, but not everything, because my sense of dignity has been pricked.
The last time we actually had sex was when I was pregnant with the twins. We were having a good time when he 'confessed' that he had hired hookers to perform for him in his hotel room when he was at a conference in another city. I was completely flabbergasted. At first I didn't even believe him becuase I thought he was just kidding, but he earnestly convinced me that no, he was not kidding, he did not touch them, they performed for him, and he was telling me this because he wanted to be totally honest with me and intimate. I got mad, pushed him off, more to consider things than anything else, I mean I couldn't really just keep playing as if nothing had happened. So he got mad, and declared that he can't tell me anything, he would never tell me anything again. I guess he meant it because he doesn't talk to me much. When he's home, he's on the internet playing scrabble or some other meaningless game. He doesn't interact w the kids much, although sometimes he takes them to a movie or toy store or we go on a hike with the family.
I'm also an artist and he tries to encourage that, by buying me a computer and telling me I need to paint, etc. But he tries to sabotage me too, because when I have an art show I can count on a huge fight the night before.
He had a very abusive father and although he would never hit me physically, he is abusing me mentally. I don't think it's a dramatic statement because I believe it's true.
So here I am trying to prevent a divorce. He has left me high and dry, but is continuing to support me. He tells me he doesn't know how he feels about me. No love, no hate. Sometimes he tells me he loves me but passionless. I have tried to distance myself and tried to make a life as a single woman but am very very afraid of divorce. I'm afraid that if I divorce, I'll get sick & there would be no one to take care of me. I'm very dependent on my level of security, but want to be braver.
Truly, truly, I don't see how all this can help, but I'm giving it a shot. Maybe some new ideas. I don't care to manipulate him, and I don't know what to do. I know he's dependent on me. I know he can live without me but he would be damned unhappy. I'm wife #3 and I know exactly why #1 and #2 left. I think I've said about enough. Blah, blah, blah.
