Everything my D17 brought up was from Sept-Oct. I have apologized several times for doing and saying what I did. I do not need to do it anymore. I am not punishing anyone, except myself. I have said nothing derogatory, I have done nothing derogatory or have flown off the handle and freaked out on any level.
Let me tell you the reality, the obvious. W has been with D17 and asking what I have been saying. I have said nothing, NOTHING! But to be in graces she has brought up the past, my fault for opening my big mouth back then. D17 has been out with W and OM and his sone like the cute little family. I am sure the wife wanted tyo have friggin Xmas cards done. whatever,
D21 and her are close and they do talk and they know I don't talk bwehind their backs so that is not a problem I have. D21 will ask her if she hasn't already , what did you say in the meeting? She will get it out of her and blast her for anything she said about the one person WHO IS KEEPING IT ALL TOGETHER! I am not looking like an ass in front of my kids, was my W in tyhe Damn meeting today, No she doesn't hacve a car, she couldn't get a friend to drive her, whatever. How important is this situation, It is one of the most difficult things I have to deal with. this is my D17 life....AndW couldn't be there because she coudln't pay her damn bils on time, she couldn't open the dman mail I gave her or read tghe friggin note that told her to make sure and call the bank, no, all this will just pass her by if she ignores it, just like this!!!!!
I would love to lay that crap out for D17, but I don't it hurts the situation more so I keep my mouth shut. Pity party, you r damn right. You know all I hear is He doesn't give you more burden than you can carry, He won't do things to hurt you. I gotta tell you, 4.5 years of my life have been utter torment, can't wait for the next 4.5 to see if it evens out, it won't.
No I am man;ng up to all of this, I went back to work and did my damn job. I went and picked up food for us, btu she had eaten./ I did the dishes, I am doing the laundry and then I am going to bwed. Shje hasn't said boo to me all night. I have been nice, my actions have been clear that I am not happy, but cooler heads will prevail. Pain, I'm starting to think this is all I will feel in my life and I really don't care anymore. GAL, my ass. This is my life right now, binding my family together, getting everyone on track, that is my life, this is what I am suppose to be doing. And I still get slappped for it.
You know I really don't want to sit in a big meeting with my W, with her f"d up attitude and clueless behavior. Because that is how D17 is acting. Oh, I can send her to school, but she won't go, so now I have to seek alternatives, notice I said "I". Not we, "I". do you think I am calling her to get help? No f"ng way is that happeing. You knowI have been thinking a lot tonight and her attitude got like this since she started going over her mom's more regularly. HJmmmm, quite the coincedence.
Ask her questions about things, little things between us, yeah did that , do that....And what do I get...lies and slapped, she has learned from the friggin master. No I don't want a seperatiopn or divorce, I want this over with , noow!!!!
Oh, she knows I 'm her Dad, I am the adult, you have no idea. But the attitude and the treatment today, oh yeah, that was the W sitting there. I saw her face in the whole thing. It broke my f"ng heart.
Things are different now that these things are out in the open, things will never be what they were, you cannot recall the spoken word. I have been good to everyone around me, I have given to them way ahead of myself, and for what, 40% of them now treat me like a friggin wet bathroom towel, not to sure what to do with it.
Do I think ending it with W will solve my problems, no it won't because these problems will only end when I end, obvious. I will always have to sit and see the pain, see the hurt, feel the pain, feel the hurt and know she did this...I hope she is happy and finds the true love that she wants so that her miserable life will go on....I hope to find something that will rip my attention and pull my head out of my ass.
I worry about my kids every waking day, I pray for them every night, I struggle to help them with what I do not have. SHE GIVES THEM NOTHING!@!!!!!!!!
I will not be compared to that selfish bitch. I will not be used in the same sentence as her. The time is coming and the limits are in view. this will not continuwe much longer. She will reap what she sows, MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON HER SOUL. Becasue when the end comes and I am gone, there will be no return, none!!!
Now I have ot deal with another mess. I have to clean up and try and repair another life. Apparently mine must be good if I have all this free time to do it for everyone else.
He told me to keep walking, you will deal with this in stride, keep walking...You know the only reason I came on this board tonight was hoping someone would reply to my posts, thank you. But what you are saying I didn't do and won't do.
I know how much pain they are in, I have posted that. I have heard their SHARP tongues talking about her and her"morals". Oh yeah, and I squelch it, tell them no. But I have posted that before.
I apologized for many things to my kids, many things. I am sorry for the turn of events. But I didn't "pimp" her out. she chose her path from her own mind. She is playing her justification on my kids now because her friends won't listen to the BS anymore. So now its, I'm doing this because me and yoruf ather agreed it was best or some other load of horseshit.
Pardon the language. Man up, yeah I have doen that I have swallowed so much blood holding my tongue, I have held my head high I have worked out issues and rose to the top and will do it again. Man up?! Any higher up and I'll have wings and be playing a harp.
YEah its a pity party, has been for a while, probably why she left...Who the f knows....So its been good. 2005 lose dad, 2006 lose job, 2007 take huge pay cut from already low paying job, 2008 lose wife, 2009 D17 wants out of school becasue she can't cope...Can't wait for 2010...
Pity party, well named, I should change my name to PP....Maybe I should stop putting my feelings out like I have been told to do, maybe I outta lock them away like I did when I was younger....Then I can decide later on in my life which was worse, putting my emotions out so I don't let them build up, or rage at the machine..No, my emotions being out, not inside is something I think I will try for a while. It will keep me from sounding whiny and pissy and childlike...It'll also make me forget about her. because rage has a way of doing that. Anyway gotta go finish laundry. D17....Well another nail in my coffin. All this will definitely bring me closer to God, right next door....
