I've read all my friends situations, and I'm at the point of where Jeff was a while back, in seeing all of this devastation around me and wondering why. It doesn't have to be this way, and why are so many spouses taking the easy way out? Is it because our society is so different now? That everything is so accepted, even immorral and bad choices? That everyone wants the "immediate reward", the "automatic/easy happiness" with no work or real effort? Immediate gratification rather than long-lasting love? What's most important to people these days? It is very disheartening. It is so sad to see one of the spouses understanding what a normal marriage is, and the other giving up. It takes two. It's impossible to have a marriage with only one "in it". When you step back from posting and just read, you see it over and over on here...It makes me want to come shake your spouses and tell them to wake up from the ignorance. And yet......I was there....I was the ignorant one....I thought there was nothing, the love was just not there......So, as frustrated as I get reading the posts now, I remember why the spouses are feeling this way.
There is hope. I read the stories, and I see many thinking it is done. I want to tell you that it doesn't have to be. It may be. You don't have control over your spouse's free will, but, there is hope. I'm not saying this for you to enable your spouses or make excuses for them or for you to avoid life because of it. I'm telling you this because even when you feel like nothing can possibly happen......anything is possible. And there is a plan to all of this. Your choices are your own, but the plan is already made. You can't MAKE your spouse choose marriage. You only have control of you, and what YOU do is up to YOU.
My friend, divorced twice, and living with OM fighting all the time, asked me if my H and I ever think, "That could have been us?" (meaning us divorced and dealing with the devastation of divorce) I didn't have the heart to tell her, but yes. Oh my goodness yes. I would have been as miserable as she is. She left her marriage because of unhappiness, and now she is more unhappy than she has ever been.
As for H and I.....We are doing so good. We had the best Christmas ever, best New Year's ever, and I had the best birthday ever. My son is the happiest I have ever seen him, laughing and smiling, and hugging and loving. Highlights......me tackling H on the ground and son piling on top laughing til he peed his pants, H getting me a gold and 3 diamond necklace representing "past, present, and future", piling into the car with our jammies on and hot cocoa looking at lights hearing my son say, "I love to just talk with you guys and drive around. It makes me so happy." (not making that up, can't believe he is 6), singing Rudolph the REd Nosed reindeer in the car with H and son, hugs, touches, snuggles,...
We are not perfect. We still have our arguments and states of meloncholy. That's marriage. I'm still getting "hang up calls" that mess with my head a bit and remind me of my past. But, doesn't change anything. I still love my H, and I still want my marriage. Thank God.
Welcome back! I am just one of the many that missed you. You have a beautiful family and I am so glad that you were able to realize that before it was too late. Happy New Year hon!!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
WDID would you please look at my thread and give me your perspective on my sitch please?
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
