I am sorry that you have to deal with any of this. A little like too little to late.
Nc said it perfectly. I think a lot of us are getting to that point, some more than others. I can definately see how all the deciet, lying and abuse can bring you to this point, I really can.
I see myself drifting in the other direction, Im not at the point you are, but everytime something terrible happens it just one more nail in the cofin.
Hang in there..You do what is best for you and your D. You will be ok.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.