WAW taking a step home?

[EnergyAZ]

I have been on/off this site over the past year since my w dropped the bomb 12/31/07.

2008 was miserable year of ups/downs until she moved out of the house in mid October.

Things were awful once she left. She immediately started living lifestyle very much resembling MLC although not sure if she has seen/accepted ownership of that. I was very angry with her and having a tough time keeping that in check. She was distracting herself with a party lifestyle and chasing after a handful of different men - which only further upset me because I thought she was leaving so she could 'find herself' and go on her spiritual/enlightenment path and that she had no interest in sex or relationships. Her actions, especially in regards to her new 'friends' seems to contradict that.

Anyhow things continued on the downward spiral and divorce was virtually assured.

On Monday, we had a phone conversation about child custody which spiraled into an intense argument. Actually, she was furious with me because I told her I wanted the title of custodial parent. She screamed, yelled, cried, hung up on me several times...I would call her back, ask her to calm down, try to rationalize with her, etc.

....then something weird happened. The conversation morphed - she wanted to visit me and talk. I told her I didnt think it was a good idea considering the heat of emotion during the phone call. But after a few minutes, I invited her over to the home to spend time with me and our son and watch a movie - peace offering. I did NOT want any kind of arguing, just to relax and enjoy our son together..which she agreed.

Well one thing led to another...

she collapsed in tears begging my forgiveness. That she is 'crazy' and doesnt know what the hell she is doing, and cannot believe what she has already done. She told me she loved me, she missed me, needed the space to clarify her vision...she expressed herself in tears and in passion. We spent the next 48ish hours together - very physical - hugs, kisses and more. This whole time peppered with sweet words and tears. This continues today with both flirty and sweet messages - wants to spend time together again this Friday.

and I feel like I have been hit by a bus. I dont know what to think. I thought I would be thrilled at this turn of events. It was something I once hoped for (lived for!!), but gave up hoping.

I had worked so hard in learning to let go, I felt I have come a long way in mending my broken heart. I began to get genuinely excited about my new life without her, and started to daydream about who I might eventually meet someday. The phone call I had with her, I fully had it in mind that we would file for D within the next 2 weeks and that was the subject of the conversation until something unexplainable happened.


And now she is...well...baffling me (to say the least).

Why is she doing this to me?!?! I mean, I was really (REALLY) getting over her and seeing the light instead of wallowing in broken hearted misery. I was free!!

And now all the sudden, she wants to start dating again with the intention of a full blown reconciliation. She even mentioned marriage counseling and sent me a link to someone she has in mind. And its a counselor I think I could be comfortable with.

Again - feel like I got hit by a bus. I am thrilled, scared, angry, confused, and thrilled. My 4 year old son seemed like he could not believe his eyes to see his mommy/daddy cuddling and affectionate. He wanted in on the action with group hugs and sitting between us, etc. I dont want to confuse him either, he has been adjusting to the change surprisingly well and would hate to ruin that in the event this is all a weird fluke on her behalf and she changes her mind yet again.


Any insight would be appreciated. I really dont know what to do/say/act. But I did make sure she understood that I cannot just flick a switch and we are 'back together'. I have a lot of hurt and anger and other feelings that need to be sorted out 1st and I have no idea how long that might take.

She said we had nothing but time....

that may be the case, but do I have the desire to invest that time...after everything thats already happened? :-(