Unfortunately for your H, MWD and Dobson and others describe this very effect -- when the WAS come to their senses about the R and decide they really do want to keep or renew it, often times the LBS has already been forced to move on and to adapt to a world without the wayward one. The relationship has flipped 180 degrees out of its prior phase.
DivorceCare calls this the line of reconciliation - the WAS moves away from the line at first while the LBS stays camped on it awaiting a response from their spouse. And just when the WAS returns back to the line, the LBS has already decided to move away from it.
It is too bad that these WAS tend to do so much horrible, senseless damage to their R that it often cannot be recovered, even when they change their minds. Karma can be a b*tch, as they say.
I think though, Snow, I would advise you, no matter how adamant you are in ending your R with H, that you remember your own pain when this shoe was on the other foot. Even if you do maintain your distance and ultimately decide to end your M, which I would fully understand given all the h*ll your H has put you through, I think for your own peace of mind you would be best served to treat your H with compassion. Stand your ground, absolutely, but don't be guilty yourself of his sins against you.
I know you know this, dear friend. I just felt the need to remind you and anyone else listening that an eye-for-an-eye is to our own detriment. Taking the higher road will free your conscious to take whatever path you ultimately decide.
