Hi Dudess and Veronica, Thanks for reading the note - and sharing your thoughts with me...I wrote it with the understanding that nothing she says or does has much to do with me anymore - and with the realization that the woman I loved just isn't there now - maybe never will be again. When she passes through this phase of her life perhaps I'll still be able to love the person that steps forward - perhaps not - I don't know...and so I wrote the letter as a way for me to let go completely - to accept that I have to move on with my life - and, despite how frightened I am, I realize that she might just read this letter and take it as a release to cast me aside completely - and maybe she has to do that in order for her to heal herself, I can't know...but it's not up to me.
A friend of mine said to me, "listen, maybe she will want to come back to you one day, but even if she does, she won't be the same person, she can't be or you won't last. So why sit around and wait for her? You have to move on with your life." He's right - and I know it - and my eyes fill with tears as I acknowledge it - but I have got to keep moving on with my life - getting stronger as best I can, accepting my sadness and working through it - and insisting on facing my fears of being on my own - and renewing my determination to take care of myself and my children...I want to follow in the ways of a great man...I want to so much...I just can't believe how much it hurts sometimes to get there...to persevere.
