Went to see 3rd atty today, brought my D papers that H left in the mailbox. It feels weird to say it "D-I-V-O-R-C-E" papers. Hate this.
I want to rediscover the man that I fell in love with 22 years ago but as long as the plastic pinata (PP) is in the picture I know that she is in charge.
Going to try and delay the D process for as long as I can without running up the bills to the sky. I don't care if I have any hope for reconcillation though.
Went to work today. Much anxiety and stress waiting to hear since exposure. I know it should take a couple of weeks.
This is a rough time. My D15 has not seen her father since 12/22. I feel I should be doing more but I need to continue to detach.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Decided to try and detach (basically ignore H), as much as I can. He e-mailed me that he got the Xmas gift I left on his desk from D28 (made sure he was not there when I delivered it), ignored it.
Went to meeting today, H starts walking over to sit next to me, I turn my head and start to talk to my friend next to me and he turns around and walks to the other side of the table. I never acknowledged him.
Meeting ends up being cancelled -- I am first out the door, and never looked back.
This is all a real 180 for me, because I find myself still trying to connect to him and right now there is nothing to connect since this OW has such a pull on him.
After our last conversation (fight) and he said "move on just accept I do not love you anymore" and I called him dog poop, I can no longer DB without bringing out bad emotions. Need to stay detached for awhile.
Still waiting to hear the effect of exposing at work.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Feeling very discouraged today. Talked to D28 at lunch, she said the way her father was talking last night he has long term plans with OW. When D28 said she would never meet the OW, my H said "how would I see you, you won't ever come to my house?" (right now he has his own apt that pretty much sits empty because he is at her house 5/6 nights a week).
H said "OW is really a good person", and my D28 told him she is the woman that broke up your M. H said I wasn't happy for a long time (I know babble babble babble) but D28 said the way he was talking she felt he really was planning on marrying her and making a life with her. H told D28 that the faster getting the D done the better it will be so all of us can move on (meaning that everyone will forgive him and have his girls think the OW is as great as he thinks and will just love her). He figures that once we are divorced I won't be angry with him anymore. (I think because in his [censored] up fog babble brainless mind that once I see he is truly happy that I will understand and want that for him)
I feel sick inside about it. I read other posts about how their WS are fence sitting or cake eating. Since the day my H said "he was not happy" after the A only being 1.5 months at that time, he never gave me any encouragement at all. Never once did he falter and say "I miss you", anything more than a hug goodbye. He seems to be on the original plan that he had mentioned at the counselor back in September...
1) He was moving to an apartment - 10/1 2) If all went well then in a few months then we would get divorced. (I had asked well are we going to try and work on the M after you moved and he said why would I want to work on the marriage if I am moving out -- 21 years and not to even try) 3) January 9 serves me D papers. (after agreeing Jan 4 to hold off the papers for about a month to get our D15 back on track who was having many issues because of this)
I feel like I am cut off at the knees
This OW has total control over him and is in this for the long haul. She has been divorced for 4 years and her spousal support just ended last year.
The only wrench in their plans is that now I have exposed them at work which will mean termination. If they stay together after that maybe they deserve each other.
Just not having a good day. _________________________
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hope, sounds very much like your H is deep into his A, like mine. Not much you can do about that I am afraid. But you are great at doing 180s like walking out of the room when the meeting was cancelled. Remember, this man probably thinks he is God's gift to women. He THINKS you will pine over him and will be lost without him. Have you shown him any different? If you show that you really don't care, then maybe that will just get his curiosity going. Promising nothing here but just planting seeds. I know you feel down in the dumps but you are actually doing great.
My good friend said to me, there is only ONE thing on earth that is final. It's not divorce. It's death. Divorce is not the end of the world.
Who knows, maybe this is an opportunity in disguise. Maybe you will end up finding the love you deserve. We don't know what is in store for us. Don't borrow trouble and worry too much. Try to find peace everyday and be open to opportunities. Praying for you Hope.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Hi PM, thanks for stopping by. Yes, yesterday was the pits for me. Today I feel better and actually slept more than 4 hours at one time (I keep waking up).
I have been successful in detaching this past week or so. I have too much resentment right now to even want to talk to him. I keep expecting him to be my husband and he is not...he is just some alien pod that is walking around.
I am glad it is Friday. The weekdays are too long and stressful.
I like what your friend said about the only thing being final is death. I hate that H has served me but I know in the long run I will do ok -- not sure about him.
Trying to work on peace and serenity. Take care and God bless.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
