Ral, baby steps? For you yes. It is easy to feel the possible doom, but as Jack has said, you have no idea how your situation will turn out. But you can make it worse, by letting your wife see your woe is me attitude and expressions. Your wife knows you , like no other. A positive PMA is a must. Try to focus on yourself and doing things for your pma.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Changes in you can be as big or small as you want.
I like the 180's. They are big changes that I want to make. They feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice they become part of me.
I rarely shopped for clothes during the R. I go shopping weekly now. I may not buy anything, but I look for clothes that I like. I look for good deals. I have bought 3 new suits in the last month. Can't wait to wear them. All new jeans, shirts. New Jackets, hats. Macey's is going out of business. I got great deals there. I shop at ROSS. There are 50 women and three men in the store. I smile at all the ladies. I focus on making eye contact with all of them. I pay attention to the see if the check me out a second time (A sign that they find me interesting enough for a second look). I compliment everything about people that I like. I remember most peoples names now. I remember details about them. I spend time in the morning making sure I look my best. Longer time shaving, picking out stylish and matching clothing. Look in the mirror and practice my flirting smile. Hold doors open for other people. Enjoy every moment of the day. Savor every interaction with others....I could go on and on.
My Ex has noticed. I have changed. The last baby step from her behavior was a quick smile when she saw me at church. I get my good byes than at the beginning of this process. I get more eye contact from W.
Do not focus on W's behavior. Just be very aware of the small changes over time. I own my happiness. W owns hers. I am happy no matter how W is.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Improving things between you and your wife...no nothing you can OVERTLY do. Nothing tangible. Nothing like pushing a button and something got better. Nothing that shows up quickly.
Improving things between you and your wife, what can you do? Over time, prove that your changes are real. Prove that you are desirable to her. Prove that you are going to be fine if she packs bags, gets tattoos, joins a circus and starts a cult that worships celery. You improve (notice the prove as the root word there?) by proving.
Things that won't help: Moping, worrying, snooping, talking about your realationship, proving your love by presents or words, yelling at her...See the gist here? Negative stuff.
This is going suck either way Ral, it is going to suck until you can learn tricks to distract yourself. Until it no longer hurts so much. Again either way it will suck, one way gives you a greater chance at still being married, which path do you want?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Thanks for the input everyone...Jack , as usual, your logic is awesome... I have never been great at the psychological aspects involved here. (I have always brought a knife to a Gun fight , so to speak) Understanding "why" takes a little longer for me. I guess I have always been more of a "Simple Mind"...
Just bought the following books... 1. The Divorce Remedy 2. The four Agreements
So far, TDR is very inspiring. I'm giving DB'ing my best effort. This is so hard for me...As a kid, I absolutely hated when this kid used to threaten me with, " Your getting pounded after school at 3:15" (school was out at that time). I dreaded 3:15 all day... Now that my W has told me about how she isn't sure how she feels about me (ILYBNILWY). In a way it's like, I'm waiting on 3:15 again... I'm dreading being told "I Want a Divorce"... It's so damn funny how I relate the two. Same old feeling of impending doom I guess...
Did you get to the part in the book yet that says "what you focus on expands"? If you think doom you will surely get doom. If you think positive you have a better shot at getting there than thinking all doom.
Did you get pounded at 3:15pm?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Doesn't work well for you in this situation (in many cases). But live and learn...or...or...listen to the warnings of those who have gone before you and made huge mistakes hoping you avoid them.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
