My H and I always accuse each other of asking what can the relationship give me not what can I do for the relationship.
If this is something that you "always" do, then this might be a good area to do a 180.
He says he feels hopeless about things changing, that he has had his idea of marriage disillusioned by 2 failed ones, his parents have more than 2 marriages so he needs to have a 3rd one in order to be happy....
Sounds like he's not quite sure of what a marriage "should" be, so maybe you can steer him towards thinking about what a marriage "could" be?
Once you get the "could be" figured out in your own mind, it will be much easier to have him "lead, follow, or get out of the way". Also, you never know what his input would be on this until you ask, and see what goals that the two of you have in common.
From that point, no matter what happens, you're helping to set yourself up for a "win/win" situation.
JJ
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