My D17 has gone from a happy little girl to a very devastated person. she has been moody lately but I let it go. she was very bubbly on Saturday when I picked her up and now this. She made me feel like the enemy. She was not receptive to talking to me, talking to a couselor or therapist. She talks to her mother and she says thats enough. The way she snapped at me about Mom still legally lives at that address was hard to take.
I started my "walk" today, feeling pretty good and now this. I am back to square one again. I do not know what to do now. Apparently all this time with her mother is good for her and very bad for me. I cannot believe she has turned my D17 on me like this, putting me so far outside her life. I thought we were close, I gave her space, I do everything. Boy does all this sound familiar. Maybe it is me!!!!
Whatever her mother was saying about me now has my D17 havign the same attitude towards me. I don't know what I will say to my daughter tonite when I get home, although I am sure she will be at her mothers. And when she calls for a ride , home, I am thinking of telling her to get her own damn ride home. I know that is not right, but now, everyting I thought I had with her is gone...This is becoming to familiar to me...I am thinking of getting my house appraised, talking to a realtor, selling it for waht we can get, split and I am out of here. I really feel bad, real bad...This is devasting on top of an already bad situation. I mean really, is it me, am I looking at this wrong? I am absolutely confused, hurt, mad, and upset...Well apparently she likes her mothers lifestyle, let her ask her mother for money on weekends and when she needs things. Let her mother cart her around. Let her mother cancel plans to amke sure she has money to go out and do things. I am tired of all of this. I am telling W on Friday, no ins money, no insurance. Get her own. Meeting with a lawyer Saturday to discuss seperation versus divorce. I am not moving that way, yet. I don't know what to do. I want to sort my brain out and had to come back to work and it is a zoo in here.
I don't know what I'll say to D17. Obviously can't talk to her siblings about it. W doesn't talk to me at all, becasue I am not in "her" life. Now I have to walk on eggshells in my house.
Everytime I start my walk I get knocked on my ass!!! I mean really, how much more of this can I possibly take? I know my D17 loves me, I do know that, but now with her life decisions being skewed and sitting there and hearing her blame me for putting her in the middle, and my mothers not the bitch everyone paints her to be, and she made a mistake, so what, get over it....Nothing is right at all in my life...
