Am I eternally hopeful or in denial....?

[Silent Chrleader]

Well, H called today to touch base with me on a couple things. He thinks that S17 is playing both ends against the middle (i.e. manipulating us against each other for his own means). H says he doesn't really think that S17 is significantly depressed, and he is now pushing for the "tough love" route again. H says that C agrees with this path....?? He thinks that S17 is using our sitch as an excuse for his poor behavior in order to deflect blame from himself.

I don't know what to think! Yes, teenagers will be manipulative (no question) and my S17 is not above that, but I still think that is not the whole issue. We are going to have a two hour session next week with C. It was supposed to be one session for H and then one for S17. Now it's going to be a session with both H and me to specifically discuss issues about S17, followed by a session with all three of us.

Apparently, yesterday H only had a short few minutes with C on his own, and then spent the rest of the two hours with S17. This disappoints me because I see that as meaning that H really isn't working on "himself" any more like he has indicated.

H said that S17 tells each of us what he thinks we want to hear. H says that S17 often "bad mouths" or "complains" to him about things he is mad at me about too. I said that it's no wonder if S17 says what he thinks we want to hear to get himself off the hook. According to H, that's just what he's been doing for the past 25 years! H didn't like me making that point. I probably shouldn't have said anything and just validated his feelings.....

So, this afternoon I have my C session. I'll probably spend it all talking about S17 now.

One thing I'm not sure about. I know that C spends a lot of time in H's sessions talking about and pushing the importance of his role as a father to Zach. I don't know what is said because of confidentiality, but C has told me that he does. It concerns me a little in that it feels sometimes like C has completely written off the M (or believes that H has done so and there's no hope of resurecting it), so to him it's not even an issue at this point. However, sometimes I wonder if he is just using the issue of S17 to plant seeds in H's brain because that is a subject that H is still willing to discuss so that is the "conduit" so to speak that he uses in order to get H thinking about what he does in the hopes that those thoughts will transmute to other areas of our life such as our M.

I'm really not sure what to do about this, but it does concern me. Any suggestions?